Hockey

The NHL season started.

When your team plays deep into the playoffs for the first time in ages, the NHL off-season is thankfully quite short.

I missed the below hit in the preseason but the newly discovered www.thetwolinepass.com didn't. If you're a hockey fan I suggest checking the site out. It's quite excellent. A nice addition to my bookmark toolbar.

Dion Phaneuf hits Kyle Okposo

Hockey is pretty much the coolest sport on earth, aside from football. And rugby. Ron Artest even goes to hockey games. That's how cool it is.

Also, I posted a Milan Lucic fight from the other day...here's another one. This time he beat the living shit out of Jay Harrison. At this rate, Lucic is going to bloody someone up every 3 days. It's going to be an awesome hockey season.

Happy Monday.

Woah. Hockey Fights Are Back. And Ties Are Stupid...

Hockey. It's coming back...soon. Like Thursday I think.

I know the Chicago Blackhawks start the season in Finland or Korea or Iran or some really stupid place on earth so I'm not overly positive on when the NHL kicks off their ice charades. It's soon.

Part of the reason I do enjoy hockey is because you can fight during the contest. Make a big hit on the other team's star player? Star player's goon teammate is going to find you and try and slit your throat with his skate.

Marc Savard, one of Boston's superbly talented players got raped earlier in the game by ginger-boy Chris Neil of the Ottawa Senators. Milan Lucic, as noted by his Serbian name of destruction, doesn't like when that happens.

He tries to shove the smaller Neil around and make him mad. Neil responds by shoving back. Lucic, like any good Serb, decides when the puck drops, just to hit Neil in the nuts with his stick.

Neil, like any good ginger, quickly responds because he has no genitalia and begins to fight Lucic.

Lucic gets some good shots in and Neil actually hangs tight in the fight before it ends with Neil's face looking a lot worse than Lucic's.

Either way, it's professional athlete's, who could kill you and me, fighting in the middle of a pre-season game and the refs allowing it. That's why hockey is great. It's a sport full of talent and skill and huge hits and fights. Plus, some teams have hot ice girl cheerleaders too.

** On a side note...the NHL used to have ties. Teams would play 60-minutes of hard fought hockey and then go to overtime. If the teams tied at the end of overtime, the game ended in a tie. That's retarded, I know. Thankfully, nowadays, the NHL forces a short OT, then goes to a shootout to decide the winner. OT is neat. Shootouts are awesome. Ties are for losers.

The NFL, thankfully filled with non-losers, rarely has an OT game end in a tie because the teams are so exhausted from brutally destroying each other that one team usually screws up and allows a TD or field goal or safety and ends the game before OT can end with no scoring.

That leads me to last night's softball game that my co-workers and I played in...

We played our second game of the season, in typical Chicago fall fashion - a little warm weather, diagonal rain, wind, darkness, coldness and dust. We played a good team that got out to a big lead and we came back to tie it up, take the lead, and go back and forth with this team for 6 strong innings.

When the 6th inning ended, tied 14-14, the ump looked at his watch, and yelled, "TIME!! The next game has to start now! Game ends in a tie!"

...what?!?...a tie??? Are you f*cking serious?

We were pissed. Both teams agreed that this sucked. The game before ours went long and we started late. Now we had to end on time so the two teams behind us could play? It's not like it was 0-0 either. Both teams played well and still had another inning or two in them before we had to hit the bar...but nope. Game ended in a tie.

I couldn't imagine being a professional sports player and having to end the game in a tie. NFL football ending in a tie? Rarely ever happens. NHL? Nope, not anymore. Baseball? Aside from the All-Star debacle a few years back, no more ties. NBA? They'll play till 1,000 points are put up or Vernon Maxwell snaps and kills both teams. For Christ's sake I've seen a 3-day Cricket match take place in London so a tie wouldn't happen. And those f*ckers stopped to drink tea in the middle of the match!!

...which leads me to two final points...

1) Ties are f*cking retarded. Two teams go to battle and one comes away a winner. Wars don't end in ties. Sports shouldn't either.

2) Soccer is for weirdos. Soccer games end in ties. They flop all over the field for 90 minutes, scratch and scream at each other, and kick a ball. Soccer games end in ties. Soccer sucks.

That's all.

More Spooning With A Stranger coming soon. I enjoy writing too much to take prolonged breaks for actual real-world work. My plan for fall is to grow a beard, wear flannels, drink hot-alcoholic cider, and write. Hope it works out.

Memorial Day

It's been awhile. I apologize. That might be an unfortunate growing trend with the hot weather months approaching. Not by my choice either. Like I've said, work is a full-time thing. Blogging isn't. I'd love it to be. But that's not quite a realistic option. Is it?

I can't pass up the opportunity to praise America and condone every other place in the world though. Today is Memorial Day and we celebrate the people who keep this country safe and allow us to do the dumb things we do day in and day out. War or not, supporting our troops cannot be overdone. Whether it's Iraq, Afghanistan, Idaho, wherever, the people who fight in our Armed Forces deserve more support, everyday, than anyone, anywhere, every second. The things they do, the things they see, the things they sacrifice, for us, can never be repaid. And for that, I pray for them and thank them.

We could live in France. We could be countrymen with Cristobal Huet. Can you imagine that? I'd rather live with an AIDS-infested dog who bleeds all over the place and humps my leg than be a Frenchmen and say I'm friends with or respect Cristobal Huet. America is the only place in the world that matters and the only reason it matters is because of the people who serve us in our Armed Forces. Timeless thanks and endless blessings for them and USA.


A few brief highlights for our Monday Link Dump:

Bruno has a new trailer. I'm really pissed about his hair since it's different from the show. But whatever. This is brutal and it's going to be hilarious. And it'll piss a lot of people off. Which is awesome too.

Megan Fox is great for America.

Even under approaching robot death, Megan Fox. America.

Sherlock Holmes trailer starring Robert Downey Jr. & Jude Law. I love Sherlock Holmes. Mystery, murder, all that stuff is sweet. I still can't tell if Guy Ritchie is heading down the "Snatch" route to try and make this semi-funny or not, but it looks entertaining. Aside from the fact Sherlock Holmes looks like he could beat up Ironman, I'll give this a shot.

More proof that Ohio tends to be the dumbest state in our entire country. Figure 8 Bus Races are entertainment in Ohio. This is one that goes bad. This isn't Dayton or Cleveland or Cincy either. This is Columbus. Every city in that state has now proven itself retarded.

Here is Martin Havlat video if you haven't seen it yet. He got destroyed (cleanly) by Niklas Kronwall the other night in Game 3 of the Red Wings/Hawks series. The Hawks won that game but got their ass kicked yesterday by the Wings and appear to be on their way home. Oh well, it took the Bulls a few years to get passed the Pistons and when they did, the wait was well worth it.

Lastly, a Memorial Day tradition. WWE's Tribute to the Troops takes place in December. I think the WWE does that so people remember our serving forces in December too, not just today. Say what you want about the WWE and Vince McMahon. No one else does this shit. And our troops couldn't be more thankful. Here's last year's video from the WWE's visit to the Middle East.

The Chicago Blackhawks Are in the Western Conference Finals

Holy crap. What a hockey game last night. In Pittsburgh...

In Chicago, holy crap, there aren't even words to describe what's happening there...

As the NHL's signature superstars Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby turn their Washington/Pittsburgh series into a fitting NHL Classic, Chicago welcomed their own superstars onto the national stage.

Former #1 Draft Pick Patrick Kane joined Ovechkin and Crosby as the only players to post a playoff hat-trick in this year's post-season, as the Blackhawks won 3 games in a row to knock the Vancouver Canucks out of the playoffs and advance the Blackhawks to their first Conference Finals since 1995.

Kane has been Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews' sidekick this season, but last night was his coming out party. Helping bring the Hawks back from one-goal deficits twice in the 3rd Period, the young Hawks star couldn't have imagined a better time to get his first career hat-trick. Toews had quite an impressive game as well, scoring two goals and adding an assist.

The young Hawks superstars have Chicago hockey crazy and on the verge of the unthinkable, especially looking back just two years ago.

The Hawks were the most awful franchise in Chicago and often found themselves at the bottom of the lists of sports teams in ALL of sports. Two years later, the Hawks have taken over the city of Chicago and brought the NHL back to the forefront of sports.

Whether or not the Hawks make the Stanley Cup Finals (they will play the winner of Anaheim/Detroit), this playoff run for the Hawks will go a long way towards determining the future of the Hawks franchise. The young players that have progressed through this season and now into the playoffs have a taste of what it takes to not only make it to the playoffs, but how to win in the playoffs.

The funny thing about sports is that you can have one great year and never make it back to the playoffs again. Hopefully, that doesn't happen to these Hawks. They have a phenomenal young core and should only get better. Playoff Hockey is alive in Chicago and this city couldn't be happier.

The Hawks destroyed Canada (f*cking Canadien pricks) and now I say, bring on Detroit! No playoff run is complete without going through the Red Wings. That'd be the only fitting ending.

Other than the Stanley Cup that is.

Happy Mother's Day

I hope everyone had a great mothers day.

I got my mom a new ipod because she filled up the old one with a ton of random crap. Now she can play around with a new touch and fill it up with a tons more cool crap. For some odd reason I couldn't download the lightsaber application though. I know my mom will love to play with a fake lightsaber on something that should play only music but also does millions of other ridiculous things like have lightsaber applications. Whatever.

My only observation from Mother's Day was the fact that I saw millions of Indian people at California Pizza Kitchen during lunch. I'm not sure if there was some special thing going on but as I looked around I noticed tons of Indian families. Sure California Pizza Kitchen is really good but I've never been in a restaurant (other than India House) where I'm the minority to a bunch of Indian people. God bless them on Mother's Day but it was a weird situation. I had no idea what the f*ck was going on.

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This isn't exactly a new feature or something that is inspired by Mother's Day (certainly not this song) but I am going to try and upload new songs/music videos that I currently am enjoying. Our first song is "Death of Me" by Red. I usually listen to this song when I'm murdering giraffe's and kicking squirrels and racoons in alleys and now I've come across the music video. Whenever I listen to intense rock music I usually imagine myself running from serial killers chasing me down the street and this video depicts exactly that. Plus it's a fun f*cking song. 

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Also, a few other sidenotes from Sunday:

- Glen "Big Baby" Davis hit a winning jumper for the Celtics against the Magic in the NBA Playoffs on Sunday. The fact he hit the jumper is funny since he's a huge fat ass. He has played well since Kevin Garnett got injured but still he's a mega douchebag. He cried one time on the bench when Kevin Garnett yelled at him during a game. You don't cry when you're 6'8 429 lbs. FAT BABY. Also, if you catch video of Davis hitting the winning jumper, watch after he makes the shot and turns up court to celebrate with his teammates. Davis runs into a small boy sitting courtside by the Magic bench and almost kills the kid. The kid gets his hat knocked off and looks at Davis like he just happened to get run into by a gigantic, sweaty, hippo. That kid's gonna remember that shit for the rest of his life and probably murder Davis one day while listening to "Death of Me" by Red. It all comes full circle, see?

Speaking of Garnett, when Davis hit the jumper, video of the Celtics bench shows Garnett saluting the Magic bench and making that retarded face he's begun to make in the playoffs. It's the face where it looks like he's constipated and pushing shit into his pants because he's too injured to play. It's really the only reaction he can do nowadays since his body is so damn old and any other motion or reaction will cause him to severly injure himself even more. Garnett has cemented himself as another piece of NBA trash in these playoffs and its unfortunate because he was once a greatly respected NBA player. Now he just makes faces at the other teams benches because his body is equivalent to that of a 67-year old man. Fucking prick. 

- Staying on the sports stuff, what the hell is going on on Sportscenter tonight? The anchors are tapping each other out like a WWE match and all the segments just keep running together. Steve Levy starts the show and Tim "I'm a huge retarded piece of NBA castoff shit" Legler comes and taps on his shoulder and takes over the segment. Legler continues to talk and Barry "I'm the coolest dude on the planet" Melrose taps Legler on the shoulder and begins talking about hockey. This went on for the whole show. It was really f'ing weird.

- As for hockey, Melrose came on Sportscenter to talk about the Boston Bruins/Carolina Hurricanes game that happened on Sunday. During the game, which Boston won 4-0, Carolina's Scott Walker sucker-punched Boston's Aaron Ward in the face after the whistle had blown. Ward had to leave the ice and word is he has a broken orbital bone. 

There's no real idea why Walker did it but it was clearly a sucker-punch and one that will most likely land Walker on the bench for at least 5 games. It's unfortunate because right now there is nothing more in the world that I want than for Walker to get a skate blade to his eyeballs. 

Hockey is that great sport where retaliation really does hurt and Walker deserves to have his face beaten in with a hockey stick. Boston, down 3-1 in the series going into the game, suddenly has a bit of life and an even bigger reason to kick Carolina's ass. The ridiculous hit on Ward has the team fired up and ready to fight this war with Carolina and potentially win. The series was slowly crawling to a boring finish and now has new life. As usual, the NHL Playoffs never disappoint. As for Walker, I hope he had a terrible Mother's Day. I bet his mom's a bitch too.

- Lastly, here's a video you've probably seen. It's blown up on the internet today and continues to make people believe that SNL still has some value. Andy Sandberg & Justin Timberlake are brilliant. Happy Mother's Day and have a great week!

Dumping on Tuesday

Saw a Guitar Hero commercial at the bar the other night and couldn't hear it. It looked funny, had Bobby Knight in his underwear, and Metallica. I still can't decide if I like it. Lars from Metallica really does talk like a weirdo.

If you saw the clip of the Blackhawks/Canucks fight yesterday, you saw some awesome sporting carnage. It wasn't an overly bloody or physical set of fights but it was intense. The fact that 16 guys wanted to punch each others face in at the same time also was sweet. Now, we move to rugby fights. I played rugby for a while and I always marveled at how fights never broke out, considering you're encouraged to stomp on another player's face in certain circumstances. The teams sort of have a gentlemen's agreement not to punch each other in the face. Well, when one guy breaks that rule, it usually becomes crazy. Rugby is probably the only sport, other than hockey, where I feel even worse for the refs trying to break up the fight. Enjoy more highlights here.

One more awesome Nike Rugby clip.

I hate LeBron James because I hate Ohio. The fact he can do this though is incredible.

Mike Singletary could care less if your parents got divorced. He's gonna find out if you got over it, are ok with it, or are still acting like a loser because of it. Matthew Stafford apparently hasn't. The dude underachieved at Georgia and might become the Lions QB. He also just added himself to the list of people Singletary wants to spear. Dumb prick.

Here's an idiot. This can only happen in Ohio.

"Cops" is the best show ever. Whenever G4 has 6 hour marathons with "Cops", my TV channel doesn't change. "Inside the NBA" on TNT is also awesome. Here's some fun with the both of them.

Sean Avery still knows how to piss people off. Here's more proof that the NHL is my favorite sport to watch right now. Playoff hockey can't get here soon enough.

In a sport I more or less don't really care about, there's a guy named Lance Stephenson. He's pretty good but also a headcase. Check out his new show on MTV2 from Fader Films. I liked "Two-A-Days" a few years ago; this is obviously a bit different. If anything, watch it to see Stephenson try and fight everyone he ever plays. This kid needs a college coach bad.

Speaking of head coach, Kentucky still doesn't have one as of 3:42pm.

Best music video of the year so far? Where's the unedited version?

Lastly, I saw a picture of his ex-wife earlier today and it jogged my memory. Rony Seikaly was one awesome basketball player.

Hockey Fighting Can NEVER Be Banned

The Chicago Blackhawks played the Vancouver Canucks last night. The Blackhawks had been in the process of shitting lots of big bricks over the last few weeks while forward Patrick Sharp sat out with an injury. Once Sharp returned, the Hawks picked it back up.

The Hawks were sitting 4th in the Western Conference with the Canucks right behind them in 5th. After three periods, the Hawks trailed 3-0 and started to realize that not only might they lose home-ice advantage in the playoffs, they might have to face the Vancouver Canucks again in that series. So they forearm-shivered the Canucks' goalie, Roberto Luongo, in the face. And when goalies get forearm-shivered in the face, fights usually break out. For a brief while, I thought a goalie fight might happen but it never fully materialized. Fortunately, for the Hawks sake, they at least won the fighting portion of the game. Ben Eager made the Canucks' Kevin Bieksa look like he got in a fight with a tiger, while Alexander Burrows participated in the ultimate hockey bitch move by pulling hair. The end result of the brawl resulted in the hilarious image of six Blackhawks sitting in the penalty box.

Bad news: Hawks are tied for 4th with the Canucks holding the tiebreaker advantage. Good news: the teams really could meet again for a playoff series.

*Also, a side note, hockey fighting truly can't be banished. Our Monday Link Dump is going to include some random sports fighting clips and there is one noticeable thing about NHL fighting; it is allowed to happen. Hockey players are allowed to go at it, while the team watches, and the refs wait. Once a guy falls down or gets his face smashed in, the fight ends. It's a respectable thing that allows hockey to stand apart from other sports. It allows for a certain edge and outlet for certain situations in the game. The NHL cannot condone the banning of fighting.

Hockey Fighting Is Always Cool

Earlier this month, Cam Janssen of the St. Louis Blues had a hockey fight. He drinks all the time and spends way too much time at bars so he fights a lot.

This wasn't a traditional hockey fight though. Normally, guys fall down off-balance or one guy lands a ridiculous shot and the other guy gives up. Or some idiotic loser stops the fight early because "fighting is bad and the world should be full of peace." But it can't be. The world is a violent, crazy place full of terrorists and people who watch 'Survivor'. People need to fight to put each other in their collective place. Thank God for people like Cam Janssen.

Cam Janssen not only drinks and plays hockey, he fights like Rocky. He has marathon fights that result in bloody knuckles and standing fans. He always manages to piss people off, make them swing away, then pound them until the other guy is too tired to fight any longer. Here's the fight from earlier this month. It's an eternity in the hockey fight world.

Here's another one. This was Janssen's fight from the other night. He had some whiskey on the bench, made love to some woman in the crowd, then decided he needed to fight someone. It was another epic title fight. It lasted for almost two minutes until the guy he was fighting said, "F*ck this. That dude's knuckles are all bloody and he won't stop punching me."

So thank you Cam Janssen. There's losers who are weak and dislike fighting and there are heroes who are godzillain in their love for destruction. You carry that torch. You are the reason hockey will (hopefully) never ban fighting.

Seriously, fighting is awesome.

Oo! Oo! Sidney Crosby Is Closer to Getting Annihilated

It's unfortunate that I have jumped off the hating Shaq and Kobe Bryant train. Shaq, I'll never dislike again, as evidenced by the many stories posted about him on here. He's just too likeable to ever get made at. Kobe, I respect, since he single-handedly would love to cut out your heart and make sure you never win a basketball game again. He's like 1c to Jordan's 1a when it comes to competitive fire.

LeBron James currently holds one of the top spots in my hatred tree, simply because everything about Ohio sucks. Ohio State, the city of Dayton, the boring-ness of the scenery...it's just awful. Thus I hate LeBron. If he simply moved to another city, I'd like him a lot. Considering he might be the second best basketball player I'll ever watch, I hope that happens.

Somewhere toward the top of that hatred tree, lies Sydney Crosby. He was hockey's prodigal son and while he's a phenomenal talent on the ice, he comes across like a whining Canadian baby (sorry for the redundancy with whining and Canadian). A few posts back, you can find yourself a clip from the NHL's true prodigal son, Alexander Ovechkin. Ovechkin and Crosby played the other day and Washington won. More importantly, Crosby and Ovechkin got into a slight tiff, before being quickly separated by the refs.

I've said a prayer every night since then, that the next time Ovechkin and Crosby play, the refs let them fight each other to the death. It wouldn't be close since a Russian can kill a bear with one hand, but it'd be fun. And since hockey is one of the few sports I can watch my favorites on the hate tree actually get hurt, I'm all for it. These guys might say they have no animosity towards each other. Bullsh*t. They hate each other. And the whole world is going to benefit from it.

Here's the clip from the other night. Sorry for the delay. I have other work I'm doing as well.

Alexander Ovechkin's Sick Goal

I finally found video of this goal from last night. Ovechkin backhand passes the puck off the boards, while spinning, to himself, then falls on his ass while being shoved by a defensemen, and scores a goal while sliding across the ice.

It proves two things:

1. Alexander Ovechkin is the best player in the NHL. It's not even close. He will score 60+ goals, hit you harder than Scott Stevens, and play the game with more passion than anyone else.

2. Russia is better than Canada. Ovechkin is Russian. Sidney Crosby is Canadian. Canada is America's hat while Russia is a land of vodka and Siberian frostbite. Russia>Canada.

He's my favorite player in the NHL. Maybe in sports. That's how good he is. He also is awesome for moments like this - getting caught at the All-Star Game checking out the one good thing about Canada.

(If you still don't think he's the best player in the NHL, watch Ovechkin's favorite goal scored)