Happy Mother's Day

I hope everyone had a great mothers day.

I got my mom a new ipod because she filled up the old one with a ton of random crap. Now she can play around with a new touch and fill it up with a tons more cool crap. For some odd reason I couldn't download the lightsaber application though. I know my mom will love to play with a fake lightsaber on something that should play only music but also does millions of other ridiculous things like have lightsaber applications. Whatever.

My only observation from Mother's Day was the fact that I saw millions of Indian people at California Pizza Kitchen during lunch. I'm not sure if there was some special thing going on but as I looked around I noticed tons of Indian families. Sure California Pizza Kitchen is really good but I've never been in a restaurant (other than India House) where I'm the minority to a bunch of Indian people. God bless them on Mother's Day but it was a weird situation. I had no idea what the f*ck was going on.

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This isn't exactly a new feature or something that is inspired by Mother's Day (certainly not this song) but I am going to try and upload new songs/music videos that I currently am enjoying. Our first song is "Death of Me" by Red. I usually listen to this song when I'm murdering giraffe's and kicking squirrels and racoons in alleys and now I've come across the music video. Whenever I listen to intense rock music I usually imagine myself running from serial killers chasing me down the street and this video depicts exactly that. Plus it's a fun f*cking song. 

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Also, a few other sidenotes from Sunday:

- Glen "Big Baby" Davis hit a winning jumper for the Celtics against the Magic in the NBA Playoffs on Sunday. The fact he hit the jumper is funny since he's a huge fat ass. He has played well since Kevin Garnett got injured but still he's a mega douchebag. He cried one time on the bench when Kevin Garnett yelled at him during a game. You don't cry when you're 6'8 429 lbs. FAT BABY. Also, if you catch video of Davis hitting the winning jumper, watch after he makes the shot and turns up court to celebrate with his teammates. Davis runs into a small boy sitting courtside by the Magic bench and almost kills the kid. The kid gets his hat knocked off and looks at Davis like he just happened to get run into by a gigantic, sweaty, hippo. That kid's gonna remember that shit for the rest of his life and probably murder Davis one day while listening to "Death of Me" by Red. It all comes full circle, see?

Speaking of Garnett, when Davis hit the jumper, video of the Celtics bench shows Garnett saluting the Magic bench and making that retarded face he's begun to make in the playoffs. It's the face where it looks like he's constipated and pushing shit into his pants because he's too injured to play. It's really the only reaction he can do nowadays since his body is so damn old and any other motion or reaction will cause him to severly injure himself even more. Garnett has cemented himself as another piece of NBA trash in these playoffs and its unfortunate because he was once a greatly respected NBA player. Now he just makes faces at the other teams benches because his body is equivalent to that of a 67-year old man. Fucking prick. 

- Staying on the sports stuff, what the hell is going on on Sportscenter tonight? The anchors are tapping each other out like a WWE match and all the segments just keep running together. Steve Levy starts the show and Tim "I'm a huge retarded piece of NBA castoff shit" Legler comes and taps on his shoulder and takes over the segment. Legler continues to talk and Barry "I'm the coolest dude on the planet" Melrose taps Legler on the shoulder and begins talking about hockey. This went on for the whole show. It was really f'ing weird.

- As for hockey, Melrose came on Sportscenter to talk about the Boston Bruins/Carolina Hurricanes game that happened on Sunday. During the game, which Boston won 4-0, Carolina's Scott Walker sucker-punched Boston's Aaron Ward in the face after the whistle had blown. Ward had to leave the ice and word is he has a broken orbital bone. 

There's no real idea why Walker did it but it was clearly a sucker-punch and one that will most likely land Walker on the bench for at least 5 games. It's unfortunate because right now there is nothing more in the world that I want than for Walker to get a skate blade to his eyeballs. 

Hockey is that great sport where retaliation really does hurt and Walker deserves to have his face beaten in with a hockey stick. Boston, down 3-1 in the series going into the game, suddenly has a bit of life and an even bigger reason to kick Carolina's ass. The ridiculous hit on Ward has the team fired up and ready to fight this war with Carolina and potentially win. The series was slowly crawling to a boring finish and now has new life. As usual, the NHL Playoffs never disappoint. As for Walker, I hope he had a terrible Mother's Day. I bet his mom's a bitch too.

- Lastly, here's a video you've probably seen. It's blown up on the internet today and continues to make people believe that SNL still has some value. Andy Sandberg & Justin Timberlake are brilliant. Happy Mother's Day and have a great week!

Megan Fox Mondays

Ok...so it's been awhile. REALLY sorry about that. Life is sometimes busy and until I get paid to do this full-time, it won't always be the first thing I have going on in my life.

That said, this is my release. I get to write really stupid things about mostly stupid people. And mostly stupid things.

I'm pretty sure I never even published my link dump from last Monday. It's sitting saved in my folder waiting to be published. In it, I mentioned the following:

Screw Mark Morrison. He's cool, but not nearly as cool as Megan Fox. She is gorgeous, endlessly attractive. For the time being, she is going to present our Monday link dumps. There isn't a moment that goes by in the day where I wouldn't cut my fingers off and swim with chum covering my body if that meant I could spoon with Megan Fox. Her presenting the Monday link dumps will include, if possible, the most recent smoking hot photo of Megan Fox. This week's is from last week's. It's her on the set of her new movie "Jonah Hex". That's the easiest way to brighten a Monday up.

I talked about the NFL Draft & how Michael Crabtree is going to dominate with Mike Singletary as his head coach. I mentioned Michael Oher being drafted into a wonderful family organization like the Ravens and how he deserves all the best. And I said that Quan Cosby and Bill Cosby's skits were hilarious...but that was last week. Spooning With A Stranger is about the present. Nothing in the past should be changed bc at the time, it seemed like a smart idea.

...So, I bring you, Megan Fox Mondays:

- As mentioned before this, Manny Pacquiao beat the shit out of Ricky Hatton. Back in Decemeber 2007, I cheered for Hatton to take out Floyd Mayweather Jr when they fought. I just couldn't stand Mayweather's attitude. There was something remarkable about his abilities though. I didn't entirely dislike him. Regardless, Mayweather beat down Hatton in the 10th round. Mayweather retired and hasn't really been heard from since. Until recently.

Pacquiao beat Hatton's ass and now comes news that a) Mayweather owes $6 million in backtaxes and b) his ego wants to fight Manny Pacquiao.

It's simple, Pacquiao is the most dominant fighter around and is the pound for pound best fighter in the game. Mayweather lost that claim when he retired and never challenged the sport's "best" fighters (until Hatton). Now Pacquiao has dominated Oscar De La Hoya and Hatton and is the king. Pacquiao has numerous suitors claiming their next but none bigger than the potential Mayweather-Pacquiao match that could happen if Mayweather defeats Juan Manuel Marquez. Boxing scene dives into the potential matchups in a bit more detail. For our purposes here, it's all about Mayweather-Pacquiao.

Mayweather-Pacquiao is the ultimate good guy vs. bad guy fight. Pacquiao is the quiet, humble champ who will fight anyone, anywhere, any weight class. Raised in the impoverished streets of the Phillipines, he is now figuratively the king of an entire country's hopes and dreams. He brings his friends and family into his life and lets them take all the spotlight.

Mayweather on the other hand, is an American-born fighter who grew up in the world of boxing, surviving the tough streets of Grand Rapids Michigan and the various places he bounced around while growing up. Mayweather is estranged from his father, who taught him everything he knows, and lives an outgoing lifestyle full of boisterous claims and all the riches he can possibly afford.

Mayweather talks his shit and pisses people off. He backs it up usually. Pacquiao lets other people talk their shit (mainly his opponents and own trainer) and then just beats the shit out of them.

HBO's award-winning series 24/7 could present an incredibly gripping look at the various personalities of two of boxing's biggest superstars. The potential for a Mayweather-Pacquiao fight is out there and hopefully a few cards will fall into place. It will be an epic battle and an epic promotion leading up to it.

Boxing is often thought of as a dying sport. With these two figures heading down the road to a showdown, they will breathe plenty of life into a once spectacular American pasttime.

- NEW TRAILER ALERT. An updated trailer for "GI Joe" has hit the internet. It looks much better than the Super Bowl teaser spot but it still looks fucking ridiculous. My GI Joe's never had an "accelerator" suit and they couldn't dodge missiles like Transformers. Any dude has to give this movie a chance so we'll see. Looks weird though.

- NEW TRAILER ALERT. Updated "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" trailer. Stephen Speilberg called this movie "awesome" after he saw it and I have high hopes for it. The action looks even more intense and Megan Fox does look hotter than ever on her motorcycle. Definitely better than the GI Joe trailer.

- I haven't mentioned A-Rod since the steroid stuff began. I said my piece on it and nearly went on a serial killer killing spree after that. The talk died down as the season began and as A-Rod gets close to his return, here we go again. Selena Roberts', Sports Illustrated's writer who leaked the whole steroid issue, is back at lobbing allegations against A-Rod. Her "biography", which is by no means an official A-Rod biography since it's interviews with random acquaintences and people, is having its release date pushed up. Roberts claims A-Rod did steroids in high school and college and has done them all his life.

Despite high school and college coaches and teammates defending A-Rod, Jason Whitlock writes an interesting piece on Roberts' past credentials, including her interesting piece on the entire Duke Lacross scandal.

Whitlock, a very influential writer from KC/ESPN, is a guy I've had my beef with a lot in the past. This piece though, examines Roberts' credibility and ESPN's penchant to run with random stories (true or not) as long as they generate notoriety.

For the record, I think Roberts' is an attention-craving bitch. There goes my credibility.

- My roommate Kevin has a really funny looking finger from rugby. It's gnarly but isn't nearly as gnarly as Torry Holt's finger. As "With Leather" suggests, if you've eaten any food in the last few hours, don't watch this clip.

- NEW Spoonless Night Addition: topleftpixel.com

This is an endless amount of awesome photography. Some photos can be rolled over with your mouse and you can see different stages of the photograph/background. Prepare to spend way too much time here if you like photos.

- Last night's "Family Guy" courtesy of Hulu.com. Stewie does steroids and they really hit the nail on the head with this one. This one should entertain you.

Family Guy From Sunday

Here's this past weekend's Family Guy. If you don't want to watch the whole thing, I suggest fast-forwarding to about the 5:20 mark. Here's the summary to that point:

Meg hugs a huge fat ugly guy with mumps. She gets mumps. She is bed-ridden, so Peter decides to bring in the old TV while wearing a space/underwater suit. Stewie gets an awesome idea.

It's short, sweet, and disgusting.

But it reminded me of this scene, still my favorite Family Guy scene of all-time.

Don't watch any of this if you dislike vomit.

Honorary Triumph "List"

Andy Richter will be joining Conan in L.A. when he takes over 'The Tonight Show'. That's old news. Like 2 or 3 day old news. I didn't mention it here, bc you'd probably heard it. No beating brains in with information. Thus only one story about A-Rod. Honestly, who gives a sh*t if A-Rod got into the car with his cousin that supplied him with steroids 6 years ago. Yea, he's that dumb that he didn't think about that news headline. Idiots.

Anyways, I promised a 'Triumph the Insult Comic Dog' list. I did Conan and Conan is now officially on break. Jimmy Fallon starts next week and in the meantime, we're left with an empty void of idiocy. Triumph can fill that. He's vile, crude, witty, horny, makes people angry and uncomfortable and a dog. A puppet dog. And he's awesome.

Here's the Top 7. Get dirty!


7.) Triumph @ the final Presidential Debate

6.) Triumph @ Comic Con

5.) Triumph on Hollywood Squares

4.) Triumph @ The Tonys

3.) Triumph @ Westminster Dog Show II

2.) Triumph @ the Michael Jackson Trial

1.) Triumph @ the Star Wars Premiere (hands down, the best)

Late Night With Conan Is Over

Conan O'Brien's last 'Late Night' show is tonight. Show number 2,725. His 16-year run has been more successful than anyone could have imagined and Conan now turns his sights to taking Jay Leno's place as the host of "The Tonight Show". That (mercifully) starts in June.

In the meantime, it's time to reflect on some of Conan's greatest highlights. O'Brien has always been my favorite talk show host. Leno's chin and lisp are odd and he's funny once every 14 shows. Letterman is great with his guests but he's just boring. Carson Daly sucks. Jimmy Kimmel is OK. And the rotating hosts at CBS after Letterman don't really matter.

Conan's always been great with guests, had awesome sketches, and a knack for doing the unexpected. Thank God he'll be taking over 'The Tonight Show'. He's represents the Irish well.

In honor of Conan, here's my Top 8 Conan moments:

(Triumph qualifies in his own separate category...his list will come soon)

8. Conan Kisses Rebecca Romijn Stamos

7. Arnold Meets Arnold

6. Conan Works For UPS

5. Norm MacDonald Make Fun of Carrot Top and is Probably Drunk

4. In The Year 2000: David Duchovny Edition

3. Conan Goes to Finland

2. Conan and Mr. T Go Apple-Picking

1c. Walker Texas Ranger & Mike Huckabee

1b. Walker Texas Ranger Lever Mashup

1a. Walker Told Me I Have Aids

(added bonus video for more Mike Huckabee/Conan fun)

Hope you enjoyed. Despite the kick to the balls that NBC delivered by moving Leno to 9pm, Conan finally moves into late night 'primetime'. People aren't sure he'll succeed but he's smarter and funnier than anyone else out there. Here's to another long run for Conan as the host of 'The Tonight Show'.

Super Bowl Monday!

Well the Super Bowl is over...not a shabby game. Steelers 27 Cardinals 23.

The game had some spotty officiating and some crazy plays (notice the clipping at :12 secs), but things came together nicely. Following last year's Giants/Pats Super Bowl was a tough task but the teams did a good job of providing some entertainment. God knows the commercials weren't anything too exciting. And the halftime show sure was the most intense, weird, over-the-top 12 minutes of awkwardness I've experienced since I last saw Brenda Warner in 2000.

Here's the Super Bowl Recap:

Top 5 Commercials (links coming if not yet available)

1.) Career Builder spot - Punching animals can be a funny commercial in and of itself. Add the repetitive elements of the old asian guy saying "Hey Dummy" and a Koala getting punched like 5 times, it's even better. My favorite spot.

2.) Doritos Crystal Ball - Crotch shots, crystal balls, and Cooler Ranch chips. 'Nuff said.

3.) Conan Bud Light Ad - Conan is the single reason this commercial is funny. And the weird Swedish bondage. They should have used Finland though since Conan had that long-standing skit going about how he looks like Finland's Prime Minister...

4.) Denny's Thugs - I found this commercial funny and I don't know why. The loud sound of whip cream might be a good start. And the fact that Denny's is giving away a free Grand Slam Breakfast to everyone in America from 6am-2pm tomorrow, 2/3. Find your nearest Denny's here!

5.) Taco Bell: Overrated - Taco Bell has good food. No matter how much you regret going to the bathroom 5 hours later, the food is good. This girl is hot and this would be something I'd do in real life. JK. But not really.



Movie Trailers

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Megan Fox is hot.

G.I. Joe (Notice the kickass "Hollywood Undead" music in the background)

Year One -(I have a hard time enjoying this trailer knowing that Michael Cera is the dbag who is holding back the "Arrested Development" big screen movie. He made a few cute little flicks where girls thought he was innocent and sweet and now he's holding back what made him someone in the first place.)

Up - (Another Disney Pixar flick. These movies are always awesome and make me want kids or at least the chance to rent someone's kids so I have a legitimate reason to go to the theater to see these films.)

Angels & Demons -(Awesome book. Really weird ending. And this was before Da Vinci Code. And Tom Hanks' weird hair doesn't work as Robert Langdon.)

The halftime show was quite the adventure as I stated above. Bruce Springsteen and half the late-night NBC/CBS TV cast performed for 12 minutes in one over-the-top set. Aside from the stupid refs throwing penalty flags and The Boss proving he knows more than one term from football, THIS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT of the night.

I'm sure the NFL & NBC thought they had a safe thing going when they got The Boss to perform, but who knew he would go weiner-first, sliding across the stage into a cameraman. Watch his face, it's ridiculous. I'd much rather see Janet Jackson's boob.

The NFL season is over unfortunately. Always a sad time of the year. Hopefully you made some money yesterday. If you bet the over/under on Brenda Warner appearances, sorry they didn't show her more. Miracuously she's become smoking hot. She looked like a more mature, milfy, sexy version of Heidi Montag from "The Hills". Before and after. You can't say she's not hot now. God Bless America.