Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Between Two Ferns w Charlize Theron...& a Discussion About The WNBA


Probably 3 or 4 of my last 8 posts have somehow included Zach Galifianaksifdsijasi and one of his awesome moments...

"The Hangover" needs no explanation and has put Galifiankis on the map for everyone looking for a dose of hilarious comedy.

I was at a wedding in Indiana this past weekend and the morning after our post-reception hotel party, I took an awesome cab ride with a nice cab driver lady back to my place of residence for my exploits in Indy.

During the cab ride, here is what we discussed:

1) My hair looking neat despite the post-party morning-bed syndrome

2) Sunday being an awesome day because of the Yankees-Red Sox game, the Bears game, and the Colts-Cardinals game at night

3) The Indiana Fever

**side note that the Indiana Fever were the discussion for most of the car ride. The cab driver was a season ticket holder to the Fever and has 8 tickets for their home games. I'm sure that runs her somewhere around $29 for all 8 tickets. Either way, she was super stoked that the Fever had made it to the championship of the WNBA. I barely knew that the WNBA season had started, much less was in the playoff phase of things, but whatever...I dropped some of my sick knowledge on the Chicago Sky (Chicago's WNBA team!) and how much they sucked and we hit it off.

I still remembered that one of the Catchings' sisters played for Indiana and that she probably was happy they made it to the championship...My cab driver said, "Oh hell yea, she cried when they won." She told me Larry Bird bought 8,000 seats and gave them away for free for the final game in the conference finals...I bet that ran him $782. My cab driver is going to Game 3 and 4 of the WNBA Championship next week and can't wait because her list of sweet shit (much like my #2 above) has the Indiana Fever added on to the end of it...If you wanna go, I'm sure thousands of tickets are still available at IndianaFever.com**

- Back to the cab discussions -

4) "The Hangover"

** When we discussed my hair we discussed why I was dressed in a suit, with a pink shirt, a tie, and a spilling cup of coffee in my hand. I told her it was because I had just come from a sweet-ass wedding of love, awesomeness, friends, and dancing.

She said, "You look like hell a little but you look good. Yo hair and shirt are different and that's cool [Enter # 1 and the discussion about my hair]. Did you see Kanye's hair at the VMA's? That was different fo sho. Ladies like Kanye cuz he brought dirrent' in with those pink polo's and crazy hair cuts. Ladies like different and I'm sure the ladies like you."

I brushed that weird comment off and decided to leave out the fact that Kanye drank a whole bottle of hennessey (I don't give a shit how you spell it) before he went on-stage and made poor Taylor Swift shit her pants...

Instead, I responded by saying, "Luckily, I dont feel like too much hell. I feel great actually. I had an awesome night! I don't feel like those dudes from that movie, 'The Hangover' at least".

Here's what happened next:

Cab Lady: "Hangover? What's that movie?"
Me: "You know, 4 dudes lose their friend in Vegas? Comedy..."
Cab Lady: "Who's in it?"
Me: "Um...Bradley Cooper. Crazy dude from Wedding Crashers..."
Cab Lady: "Nah..."
Me: "Um...Heather Graham? Hot blonde?"
Cab Lady: "Oh wait...umm..."
Me: "Dude with crazy beard? Zach Galifiankis? Mike Tyson too!"
Cab Lady: "OH HELL YEA I KNOW THAT MOVIE!! THAT SHIT WAS SO DAMN FUNNY! THOSE DUDES LOST DEY FRIEND AND HAD TO PUT SHIT BACK TOGETHA CUZ DEY NIGHT WAS SO FRICKIN CRAZY!"

Exactly. I'm not sure if it was the Galifiankis or Tyson but she f*cking knew what I was talking about. We talked briefly about that movie before the Indiana Fever became the main subject line.

Either way, the above story serves really no meaningful point other than to point out that Zach Galifiankis is hilarious. If you haven't seen his series called, "Between Two Ferns", check it out. Check here for Spooning With A Stranger 'Between Two Ferns' highlights...

It features him being ridiculous and interviewing celebrities who are dumbfounded despite the fact they know he's joking. He's that damn good.

Here's his most recent installment, featuring Charlize Theron.

PS - I understand I said recent and it was done like over a month ago. The fact I've been working and not updated Spooning With A Stranger means nothing to me. I hope you haven't seen it and can laugh at it. If you have seen it, watch again and laugh.

Super.

PPS - Go Indiana Fever. I hope they win so best cab driver I've ever had has an awesome weekend. Thanks for the ride home too.

Woah. Hockey Fights Are Back. And Ties Are Stupid...


Hockey. It's coming back...soon. Like Thursday I think.

I know the Chicago Blackhawks start the season in Finland or Korea or Iran or some really stupid place on earth so I'm not overly positive on when the NHL kicks off their ice charades. It's soon.

Part of the reason I do enjoy hockey is because you can fight during the contest. Make a big hit on the other team's star player? Star player's goon teammate is going to find you and try and slit your throat with his skate.

Marc Savard, one of Boston's superbly talented players got raped earlier in the game by ginger-boy Chris Neil of the Ottawa Senators. Milan Lucic, as noted by his Serbian name of destruction, doesn't like when that happens.

He tries to shove the smaller Neil around and make him mad. Neil responds by shoving back. Lucic, like any good Serb, decides when the puck drops, just to hit Neil in the nuts with his stick.

Neil, like any good ginger, quickly responds because he has no genitalia and begins to fight Lucic.

Lucic gets some good shots in and Neil actually hangs tight in the fight before it ends with Neil's face looking a lot worse than Lucic's.

Either way, it's professional athlete's, who could kill you and me, fighting in the middle of a pre-season game and the refs allowing it. That's why hockey is great. It's a sport full of talent and skill and huge hits and fights. Plus, some teams have hot ice girl cheerleaders too.

** On a side note...the NHL used to have ties. Teams would play 60-minutes of hard fought hockey and then go to overtime. If the teams tied at the end of overtime, the game ended in a tie. That's retarded, I know. Thankfully, nowadays, the NHL forces a short OT, then goes to a shootout to decide the winner. OT is neat. Shootouts are awesome. Ties are for losers.

The NFL, thankfully filled with non-losers, rarely has an OT game end in a tie because the teams are so exhausted from brutally destroying each other that one team usually screws up and allows a TD or field goal or safety and ends the game before OT can end with no scoring.

That leads me to last night's softball game that my co-workers and I played in...

We played our second game of the season, in typical Chicago fall fashion - a little warm weather, diagonal rain, wind, darkness, coldness and dust. We played a good team that got out to a big lead and we came back to tie it up, take the lead, and go back and forth with this team for 6 strong innings.

When the 6th inning ended, tied 14-14, the ump looked at his watch, and yelled, "TIME!! The next game has to start now! Game ends in a tie!"

...what?!?...a tie??? Are you f*cking serious?

We were pissed. Both teams agreed that this sucked. The game before ours went long and we started late. Now we had to end on time so the two teams behind us could play? It's not like it was 0-0 either. Both teams played well and still had another inning or two in them before we had to hit the bar...but nope. Game ended in a tie.

I couldn't imagine being a professional sports player and having to end the game in a tie. NFL football ending in a tie? Rarely ever happens. NHL? Nope, not anymore. Baseball? Aside from the All-Star debacle a few years back, no more ties. NBA? They'll play till 1,000 points are put up or Vernon Maxwell snaps and kills both teams. For Christ's sake I've seen a 3-day Cricket match take place in London so a tie wouldn't happen. And those f*ckers stopped to drink tea in the middle of the match!!

...which leads me to two final points...

1) Ties are f*cking retarded. Two teams go to battle and one comes away a winner. Wars don't end in ties. Sports shouldn't either.

2) Soccer is for weirdos. Soccer games end in ties. They flop all over the field for 90 minutes, scratch and scream at each other, and kick a ball. Soccer games end in ties. Soccer sucks.

That's all.

More Spooning With A Stranger coming soon. I enjoy writing too much to take prolonged breaks for actual real-world work. My plan for fall is to grow a beard, wear flannels, drink hot-alcoholic cider, and write. Hope it works out.

Counter-Punch


One more...it counters the Will Ferrell video from the previous post.

Toby Keith, love him or hate him, is smart.

America is a mess, the world is retarded, and people suck lots of ass. Toby expresses our feelings.

Left or right, Toby has a little message for both. You might hate country music and hate weird puppet videos but I like this bit. I'll be the first person over to Toby Keith's house when Mahmoud Achmadinejad-Fuku-Jihad nukes the world. Toby will have guns.

PSA Speaking Out Against Insurance Companies


Sometimes a cause so important comes along that even the funniest of funny (Will Ferrell - most times) and coolest of coolest (Jon Hamm) speak out to make sure people get the facts.

Below is an important ad Ferrell and Hamm put together to speak out against the Insurance crap that is taking place in this country.

1) Here's the video via Huffington Post's website

* Let it be noted that I can't believe I'm linking to HP's website. Huffington Post is a hellish website that poisons the minds of individuals all over this country. I merely linked to the video on this website so you could understand the seriousness of Ferrell and Hamm's ad.

For those that refuse to click on the bullsh*tty website above, go below for number two.

2) Funny or Die coverage of the Will Ferrell ad

* I don't like linking to the same website over and over, no matter how awesome it is because I don't want it to like like I'm simply stealing all their material. I'm merely condensing all the ridiculous shit that gets posted to the interweb everyday and putting it in a convenient spot on Spooning With A Stranger.

There's a lot your mind has to handle on a day-to-day basis.

If you spooned with a stranger the night before, you have to worry about:

1) Is she pregnant?
2) Um, that was a dude...
3) Do I call again?
4) What was I thinking?
5) Why did I mix Nickelback and drinking?

My job is to consolidate the semi-good stuff and put it in one place so you can easily access it. You have enough to worry about. Life's a fun journey of ups, downs, and moments you'll never forget. There's also moments you want to forget. Fortunately, while you are trying to forget the terrible decisions you made last night or two months ago, Spooning With A Stranger gives you just a little bit content to help you black out for a few minutes.

Anyways, I hope the serious ad above got your attention. Funny or die only does funny and they took exception this one time and did serious. That's how important it was.

Think about it.

** Aside from the fact I stand on the right side of this debate and actually didn't laugh at the above video, I hope you did.

- I think if you fall off your bike, you are mentally stupid and should pay for your surgery.
- If you mispell a word and can't get surgery, clearly you were pathetic at spelling when you were growing up. People who can't spell are stupid.
- We're all screwed anyways. Obama is sinking day by day and Iran is going to nuke the world.