Woah. Hockey Fights Are Back. And Ties Are Stupid...

Hockey. It's coming back...soon. Like Thursday I think.

I know the Chicago Blackhawks start the season in Finland or Korea or Iran or some really stupid place on earth so I'm not overly positive on when the NHL kicks off their ice charades. It's soon.

Part of the reason I do enjoy hockey is because you can fight during the contest. Make a big hit on the other team's star player? Star player's goon teammate is going to find you and try and slit your throat with his skate.

Marc Savard, one of Boston's superbly talented players got raped earlier in the game by ginger-boy Chris Neil of the Ottawa Senators. Milan Lucic, as noted by his Serbian name of destruction, doesn't like when that happens.

He tries to shove the smaller Neil around and make him mad. Neil responds by shoving back. Lucic, like any good Serb, decides when the puck drops, just to hit Neil in the nuts with his stick.

Neil, like any good ginger, quickly responds because he has no genitalia and begins to fight Lucic.

Lucic gets some good shots in and Neil actually hangs tight in the fight before it ends with Neil's face looking a lot worse than Lucic's.

Either way, it's professional athlete's, who could kill you and me, fighting in the middle of a pre-season game and the refs allowing it. That's why hockey is great. It's a sport full of talent and skill and huge hits and fights. Plus, some teams have hot ice girl cheerleaders too.

** On a side note...the NHL used to have ties. Teams would play 60-minutes of hard fought hockey and then go to overtime. If the teams tied at the end of overtime, the game ended in a tie. That's retarded, I know. Thankfully, nowadays, the NHL forces a short OT, then goes to a shootout to decide the winner. OT is neat. Shootouts are awesome. Ties are for losers.

The NFL, thankfully filled with non-losers, rarely has an OT game end in a tie because the teams are so exhausted from brutally destroying each other that one team usually screws up and allows a TD or field goal or safety and ends the game before OT can end with no scoring.

That leads me to last night's softball game that my co-workers and I played in...

We played our second game of the season, in typical Chicago fall fashion - a little warm weather, diagonal rain, wind, darkness, coldness and dust. We played a good team that got out to a big lead and we came back to tie it up, take the lead, and go back and forth with this team for 6 strong innings.

When the 6th inning ended, tied 14-14, the ump looked at his watch, and yelled, "TIME!! The next game has to start now! Game ends in a tie!"

...what?!?...a tie??? Are you f*cking serious?

We were pissed. Both teams agreed that this sucked. The game before ours went long and we started late. Now we had to end on time so the two teams behind us could play? It's not like it was 0-0 either. Both teams played well and still had another inning or two in them before we had to hit the bar...but nope. Game ended in a tie.

I couldn't imagine being a professional sports player and having to end the game in a tie. NFL football ending in a tie? Rarely ever happens. NHL? Nope, not anymore. Baseball? Aside from the All-Star debacle a few years back, no more ties. NBA? They'll play till 1,000 points are put up or Vernon Maxwell snaps and kills both teams. For Christ's sake I've seen a 3-day Cricket match take place in London so a tie wouldn't happen. And those f*ckers stopped to drink tea in the middle of the match!!

...which leads me to two final points...

1) Ties are f*cking retarded. Two teams go to battle and one comes away a winner. Wars don't end in ties. Sports shouldn't either.

2) Soccer is for weirdos. Soccer games end in ties. They flop all over the field for 90 minutes, scratch and scream at each other, and kick a ball. Soccer games end in ties. Soccer sucks.

That's all.

More Spooning With A Stranger coming soon. I enjoy writing too much to take prolonged breaks for actual real-world work. My plan for fall is to grow a beard, wear flannels, drink hot-alcoholic cider, and write. Hope it works out.

Stallworth/Burress

Spooning with a Stranger is coming back. Work is still busy but the world is making me fed up. I'm not gonna sit around and not get pissed about the fucking jail sentences that Plaxico Burress and Donte Stallworth have gotten for their respective retarded episodes...

A) Stallworth parties in Miami at a night club. He then goes driving with a .126 blood alcohol level...holy shit. Florida's legal limit is .08. Stallworth is fucking wasted.

Stallworth drives into a man who is walking across a highway or something and he kills the guy. The guy splatters all over the place and Stallworth shits his pants and says oh my God I just re-created a Pearl Jam Song. Mind you Stallworth "flashed his headlights and honked his horn to warn Reyes". As Stallworth then described it, "We collided."

People collide with walls and other humans. When you walk down the hallway and bump into John from accounting, you COLLIDED. When a car runs over a human being there isn't a collision. It's annihilation.

Stallworth was suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after the crash. He received a...30-DAY JAIL SENTENCE AND REACHED AN UNDISCLOSED FINANCIAL SETTLEMENT WITH REYES' FAMILY. Stallworth gets 2 years of house arrest, eight years of probation and other restrictions.

Under a recent judge ruling, Stallworth now gets to leave his house to work out with a trainer. His house arrest didn't include the fact he gets to leave for community service, charity events, and work (WHICH IS PLAYING FOOTBALL).

Stallworth signed a seven-year, $35 million contract in 2008 with the Cleveland Browns and for now remains on their roster.

B) Plaxico Burress parties in Manhattan. He gets a bit drunk and accidentally shoots himself while he's in the club. Holy shit. He's fucking retarded.

The gun slipped down Burress' trousers and fired, shooting him in the thight and then narrowly missed a security guard standing nearby. The bullet lodged in the floor and was recovered by a bartender.

The gun was not licensed in NY or NJ, where Burress lived and his license to carry a concealed weapon had expired in May 2008.

Burress was with a teammate, Antonio Pierce, who drove him to a hospital, took the gun home then later returned it to Burress.

Apparently the nightclub and the hospital never notified police that Burress had been shot.

The Giants released Burress in April and Burress pleaded guilty to a weapons charge this morning. Burress received a TWO-YEAR PRISON TERM.

HOLY SHIT?!?! TWO YEARS!? For shooting yourself in the leg? Stallworth can get fucking hammered drunk, drive a car, and splatter a human beings organs all over a highway road and get 30 days in jail and Burress gets 2 years?!?

I hate both of these idiots. Stallworth is a typical athlete idiot and Burress is just a fucking retard. Come on though! Burress embarrassed himself enough when he shot himself in the leg in a nightclub. Two years is a ridiculous sentence! Stallworth got his sentence reduced to 30 days and has had all kinds of concessions made. Burress, on good behavior, could get his sentence reduced to 20 months.

I hate to say it but Burress' attorney, Benhamin Brafman, was right when he said, "This was not an intentional criminal act. In my judgment, a two-year prison sentence is a very severe punishment."

Look, our world is fucked up enough. These two morons are examples of stupid people who do stupid shit and ruin great things that they have going for them. It's unfortunate. People do the exact same things that Stallworth and Burress do all the time. I guarantee you that somewhere in our world today, someone will illegally carry a gun and shoot themselves or something. Someone will drive drunk and injure or kill someone besides themselves. It sucks.

That said, in our world of disappearing common sense, the above doesn't make too much sense to me. A guy kills someone with his car and gets 30 days in jail. A guy shoots himself in the leg and gets 2 years. Seems weird huh?

Here's a recap:

- Fight/Kill Dogs in this country = 2 years in prison
- Shoot yourself in the leg = 2 years in prison
- Drive drunk & kill someone with your car = 30 days in prison
- Get an abortion/kill unborn children = monetary fee


I don't agree with any of it. I love dogs and could never ever ever do what Michael Vick did. I don't own a gun yet but I will and I plan on being a responsible gun owner. I wouldn't bring it to a club. I dont drink and drive anymore. Even two beers impairs your judgement. Public transportation and cabs are the way to go. Plaxico Burress and Donte Stallworth are idiots. They both deserve punishment. They got it and it's SOLELY their faults.

Still doesn't mean our justice system isn't a total fucking sloppy mess.

Megan Fox Mondays

Ok...so it's been awhile. REALLY sorry about that. Life is sometimes busy and until I get paid to do this full-time, it won't always be the first thing I have going on in my life.

That said, this is my release. I get to write really stupid things about mostly stupid people. And mostly stupid things.

I'm pretty sure I never even published my link dump from last Monday. It's sitting saved in my folder waiting to be published. In it, I mentioned the following:

Screw Mark Morrison. He's cool, but not nearly as cool as Megan Fox. She is gorgeous, endlessly attractive. For the time being, she is going to present our Monday link dumps. There isn't a moment that goes by in the day where I wouldn't cut my fingers off and swim with chum covering my body if that meant I could spoon with Megan Fox. Her presenting the Monday link dumps will include, if possible, the most recent smoking hot photo of Megan Fox. This week's is from last week's. It's her on the set of her new movie "Jonah Hex". That's the easiest way to brighten a Monday up.

I talked about the NFL Draft & how Michael Crabtree is going to dominate with Mike Singletary as his head coach. I mentioned Michael Oher being drafted into a wonderful family organization like the Ravens and how he deserves all the best. And I said that Quan Cosby and Bill Cosby's skits were hilarious...but that was last week. Spooning With A Stranger is about the present. Nothing in the past should be changed bc at the time, it seemed like a smart idea.

...So, I bring you, Megan Fox Mondays:

- As mentioned before this, Manny Pacquiao beat the shit out of Ricky Hatton. Back in Decemeber 2007, I cheered for Hatton to take out Floyd Mayweather Jr when they fought. I just couldn't stand Mayweather's attitude. There was something remarkable about his abilities though. I didn't entirely dislike him. Regardless, Mayweather beat down Hatton in the 10th round. Mayweather retired and hasn't really been heard from since. Until recently.

Pacquiao beat Hatton's ass and now comes news that a) Mayweather owes $6 million in backtaxes and b) his ego wants to fight Manny Pacquiao.

It's simple, Pacquiao is the most dominant fighter around and is the pound for pound best fighter in the game. Mayweather lost that claim when he retired and never challenged the sport's "best" fighters (until Hatton). Now Pacquiao has dominated Oscar De La Hoya and Hatton and is the king. Pacquiao has numerous suitors claiming their next but none bigger than the potential Mayweather-Pacquiao match that could happen if Mayweather defeats Juan Manuel Marquez. Boxing scene dives into the potential matchups in a bit more detail. For our purposes here, it's all about Mayweather-Pacquiao.

Mayweather-Pacquiao is the ultimate good guy vs. bad guy fight. Pacquiao is the quiet, humble champ who will fight anyone, anywhere, any weight class. Raised in the impoverished streets of the Phillipines, he is now figuratively the king of an entire country's hopes and dreams. He brings his friends and family into his life and lets them take all the spotlight.

Mayweather on the other hand, is an American-born fighter who grew up in the world of boxing, surviving the tough streets of Grand Rapids Michigan and the various places he bounced around while growing up. Mayweather is estranged from his father, who taught him everything he knows, and lives an outgoing lifestyle full of boisterous claims and all the riches he can possibly afford.

Mayweather talks his shit and pisses people off. He backs it up usually. Pacquiao lets other people talk their shit (mainly his opponents and own trainer) and then just beats the shit out of them.

HBO's award-winning series 24/7 could present an incredibly gripping look at the various personalities of two of boxing's biggest superstars. The potential for a Mayweather-Pacquiao fight is out there and hopefully a few cards will fall into place. It will be an epic battle and an epic promotion leading up to it.

Boxing is often thought of as a dying sport. With these two figures heading down the road to a showdown, they will breathe plenty of life into a once spectacular American pasttime.

- NEW TRAILER ALERT. An updated trailer for "GI Joe" has hit the internet. It looks much better than the Super Bowl teaser spot but it still looks fucking ridiculous. My GI Joe's never had an "accelerator" suit and they couldn't dodge missiles like Transformers. Any dude has to give this movie a chance so we'll see. Looks weird though.

- NEW TRAILER ALERT. Updated "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" trailer. Stephen Speilberg called this movie "awesome" after he saw it and I have high hopes for it. The action looks even more intense and Megan Fox does look hotter than ever on her motorcycle. Definitely better than the GI Joe trailer.

- I haven't mentioned A-Rod since the steroid stuff began. I said my piece on it and nearly went on a serial killer killing spree after that. The talk died down as the season began and as A-Rod gets close to his return, here we go again. Selena Roberts', Sports Illustrated's writer who leaked the whole steroid issue, is back at lobbing allegations against A-Rod. Her "biography", which is by no means an official A-Rod biography since it's interviews with random acquaintences and people, is having its release date pushed up. Roberts claims A-Rod did steroids in high school and college and has done them all his life.

Despite high school and college coaches and teammates defending A-Rod, Jason Whitlock writes an interesting piece on Roberts' past credentials, including her interesting piece on the entire Duke Lacross scandal.

Whitlock, a very influential writer from KC/ESPN, is a guy I've had my beef with a lot in the past. This piece though, examines Roberts' credibility and ESPN's penchant to run with random stories (true or not) as long as they generate notoriety.

For the record, I think Roberts' is an attention-craving bitch. There goes my credibility.

- My roommate Kevin has a really funny looking finger from rugby. It's gnarly but isn't nearly as gnarly as Torry Holt's finger. As "With Leather" suggests, if you've eaten any food in the last few hours, don't watch this clip.

- NEW Spoonless Night Addition: topleftpixel.com

This is an endless amount of awesome photography. Some photos can be rolled over with your mouse and you can see different stages of the photograph/background. Prepare to spend way too much time here if you like photos.

- Last night's "Family Guy" courtesy of Hulu.com. Stewie does steroids and they really hit the nail on the head with this one. This one should entertain you.