Thursday, October 1, 2009

Xbox Project Natal Destruction

I was going to classify this in the movie trailer section but it deserves its own post...

The only reason I thought about including it in movies is because Steven Spielberg is behind it. What is it? It's Xbox's Project Natal development. Basically it's a super-advanced Wii. No controllers, no cords, just you. Your body controls all aspects of the TV, the video game, everything. It's like your in I, Robot. Without the appetite to destroy Will Smith.

The trailer/announcement videos for this project are all over the internet. Here's my favorite gem:

E3 2009: Project Natal Xbox Annoucement

I'm creeped out by this thing. I love Xbox360 but I don't know about my reactions here. I feel liek this is the beginning of the end of the world. On top of that, this video is retarded. Here's why:

1) The little boy should be going to a real dojo to learn karate. He's gonna get his ass kicked in the real world if he thnks beating up a video game sensai works. Just because you knocked out Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punchout doesn't mean he wouldn't put his fist through your head in the real world. Dork.

2) That girl shouldn't be driving. She's way too young and girls tend to be terrible drivers anyway. She's gonna kill herself and the fans at the race track. Look at Danica Patrick. She sucks.

3) Speaking of sucking, dad really blows at pit stops. He's way too into it and looks like a f*cking dork doing it. His daughter, with her bad driving, is gonna be in last place by the time dad gets her out of the pits. Take it easy, DAD.

4) Why are they re-creating Godzilla destroying a city? That looks like a stupid, boring game. And that little kid is stomping around like a down syndrome monster. Why is he scaring the living hell out of innocent Japanese citizens. He's racist.

5) The mom and her daughter look very stupid playing soccer. The daughter almost super-kicks her foot through the TV and destroys all the fun and the mom gives a half-ass effort to block her kick. There's a couch next to you...f*cking dive all out to stop that sh*t. The game probably ended in a tie anyways.

6) I hate kids that skateboard. I hate that kid.

7) Sarah is a bad friend. For some reason, that daughter is Sarah's friend and it's clearly holding her back. Someone is gonna have to bite the bullet and get with Sarah if anyone wants to have a chance of getting with the daughter. Plus, that dress Sarah selected for the daughter looks stupid. You need a new friend.

8) Millard Fillmore! What a retarded answer to use in a demonstration. Plus the dad is looking at his son like he's a retard.

**Also, apparently the white family is playing against the black family who is on the other side of the wall from them. The white family is winning 600-100. Um, racist a little Xbox?

**Also, that wall means Sarah is on the other side of the wall. Why didn't the daughter walk over there and TALK about their dresses for the party? This is why people can't communicate nowadays and talk like retarded cows in public.

9) You don't have to act out the movie on the screen? You can put in a DVD and it plays it for you? You don't get to sit in a straddling position around Demi Moore and play in clay during "Ghost"? Wtf?

10) Lastly, no family is ever as happy as this family is. They play way too many video games, dad is an idiot, and the daughter is clearly getting around the block. If they spent this much time together, they would all be trying to kill each other. This game system cannot make anyone that happy.

Xbox is attempting to destroy the world with this creation. Steven Spielberg is apparently going to make a real-life movie that is going to destroy us all. Thanks Project Natal. Sounds awesome.

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