Monday, October 12, 2009

Barry Obama Peace Prize

I didn't write about this last week because I was too busy trying to find a shotgun which I could load and then shoot through my face. In case you missed the news because you had 302,109,576 other things better to do than give a shit, President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for...for um. Ummm....for um. Jesus ummm....Being Barack Obama. I guess.

Barry was in office for ELEVEN DAYS when nominations for the award closed and he became nominated. Nine months into his presidency, he won the fucking award. HOLY SHIT. FOR WHAT?!?

Ok, let's do this objectively. Barry is clearly the savior of our earth so there has to be a great reason he won the Nobel Peace Prize right?

Brad Norington, Washington correspondent for "The Australian", will help us examine the clear reasons that led to Barry's justifiable win of the Nobel Peace Prize.

- Teddy Roosevelt won the award in 1906 after the Nobel committee honored him for mediating the peace treaty that ended the war between Russia and Japan. Roosevelt had been president for FIVE years and he refused to personally accept the award until years after he had left office.

Ok, maybe that's not the best option. Let's try this next one...

- Woodrow Wilson won the award in 1919 for creating the League of Nations in the wake of World War 1. Wilson drove the US into the war, which was critical to bringing about its end, and took the leading role afterwards in the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. Wilson had been in office for SEVEN years before he won the award.

Ok, hmmm....not a good example either.

Maybe Alfred Nobel, the award's founder, can shed some light on this bestowment to Obama. Afterall, Nobel decreed that the Nobel Peace Price "was to be bestowed for achievements during the preceding year." Nobel said that the winner "shall have done the most, or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies, and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

Ok, so Obama has called for a new beginning in relations between the United States and the Muslim world. He also pledged that the US would re-engage with the world after the isolation of the previous administration. The neat thing is, he did all of that AFTER he was nominated. WHAT IN THE HELL did he do before that that earned him a nomination?

Alfred Nobel said the award is given for achievements during the preceding year. Barry Obama did jack shit the previous year aside from becoming President of the United States of America.

I'm pretty sure that the wars in Iraq and Afghaninstan are still happening. I'm pretty sure children in America, including Obama's "home" state of Illinois, are dying on their way to and from school.

I'm pretty sure other nominated candidates like Dr. Denis Mukwege will continue to see an average of 10 women a day in his doctor's office waiting room in Bukavu, South Kivu. They are coming because they're violently gang-raped and mutilated in front of their familes, children, friends, and others in the sexual-violence-plagued region of Congo.

I'm pretty sure Zimbabwean Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai will continue to fight for his country's rights against a dictator, President Robert Mugabe, as Tsvangirai attempts to bring the once-prominent south African country out of the violence and poverty that has plagued the country since Mugabe's reign began.

The Nobel Committee gave Obama the Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." Clearly, that effort did a great job in getting America the 2016 Olympics.

All jokes aside, President Obama has done jack shit for America so far. He's been filled with big words and empty promises. This award continues to shift Obama's reputation into celebrity punchline instead of divine savior of America. He's been a celebrity, not the savior everyone predicted he would be. As Michael Steele pointed out, Obama won't be receiving any awards from Americans for job creation, fiscal responsibility, or rhetoric and concrete action anytime soon.

There are many people that deserved this award. Barack Obama is not of them. Gimme a fucking break.

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