Saturday, January 31, 2009

Breaking News: Nancy Pelosi Hates Herpes

Freshly minted President Barack Obama's stimulus package passed through the House of Representatives this past week despite zero GOP support. 

Passing with a 244-188 vote, the proposed $819 billion dollar plan will enter the Senate where GOP Senators have vowed to fight the package from passing. The proposal, among the largest in history, is being ridiculed by GOP Senators who claim the lack of focused investment and small tax cuts will result in more wasted money.

Screw those GOP Senators right? Those old cronies who are just doing the opposite of Barack Obama to spite him, right? Don't be so quick to judge. I'm not quite sure what $819 billion looks like, but I think we might want to focus on what exactly is in the "stimulus" plan before we spend almost a trillion dollars on it. 

And who better to bring the whole thing in to focus than U.S. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. That's right, our Speaker of the House decided it would be a phenomenal idea to earmark $335 million of the "stimulus" package towards STD prevention. Yep. You read that correctly. STD prevention. Apparently people without STD's will enhance our country's chances to prevail in the economic long run. 

What's even better than spending $335 million on preventing herpes is watching Nancy Pelosi try to rationalize spending $335 million on preventing herpes. All I know is prevention is the first step. Watch and enjoy. And sleep tight knowing that the Democrats are off to a flying start with Barack Obama. And that Nancy Pelosi wants to make sure you never get gonorrhea.

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