Expendables Trailer...

The first trailer for "The Expendables", the greatest action movie to ever live, was released online today. When you have a cast that has Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, and more involved, the trailer better be bloodier than every Rambo movie combined.

Myself and millions of others have created a totally false sense of anticipation based upon this cast and thus I was disappointed by the trailer. Whatever. This trailer looks like it was made by a 7-year old and the dialogue in the movie is retarded. Either way, stuff blows up, huge guns are shot, people kick each other in the face. This movie can't be released and not have at least the craziest movie action sequence ever...

...something along the lines of:

Eric Roberts fights Stone Cold. Stone Cold kills Roberts. Terry Crews jumps in, fights Stone Cold, Crews kills Stone Cold. Mickey Rourke jumps in and kills Crews and then has to fight Dolph Lundgren. Bodies are everywhere. Lundgren kills Rourke then has to fight Jason Statham. Lundgren kills Statham as well. Jet Li pops out of nowhere and fights and kills Lundgren and then Stallone shoots Li 12 times in the face and Stallone wins. Bodies and blood everywhere, Stallone still standing. That's GOTTA be what happens.

Ok, whatever, watch the trailer for "The Expendables" here.

Afternoon Update

Thanks to 411mania for informing us that the manliest movie in cinematic history is now growing even manlier.

Stone Cold Steve Austin will join Sylvester Stallone's new film "The Expendables". The film is centered around a group of mercenaries who go to a foreign land and attempt to overthrow an evil dictator.

There is no humanly possible way to add more intensity and dude action to this movie other than adding Steven Seagal to the cast. If you missed the previous story about this masculine-filled, neck-snapping adventure, check it out here.

**On a side note, I will be attending Stone Cold's induction into the Hall of Fame next month at Wrestlemania 25. It will be the single-most exciting moment in my life.

Most Intense, Greatest Movie Ever

I only recently watched Rambo (or Rambo 4), which if you haven't seen it, is the most awesome action flick up to this date. Shortly after watching that, I did a little checking in on Sly Stallone and found that he is slated to be in a new movie called 'The Expendables' due out in 2010. Upon futhur exploring, I noticed the cast of the film. Sit down.

Sylvestor Stallone, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Forest Whitaker, Ben Kinglsey (rumored), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, and Dolph Lundgren.

Are you alive still? You could have stopped after Jet Li and your face would have still exploded.

Ready for the plot?

A team of mercenaries are sent into South America to overthrow a dictator.

I bet you're face is melting right now. Can you imagine this group of actors, all in one movie, blowing sh*t up? It doesn't matter who the mercenaries are, who the dictator is, who the police are, it simply does not matter. It's going to be the most intense, awesome, heart-exploding movie ever.

Supposedly Jean-Claude Van Damme turned down the role that Dolph Lundgren picked up. Are you serious? Dolph Lundgren is second in world history's best actors behind Steven Seagal, so he's no drop off from JCVD.

This story has been around for a bit, with random casting rumors continuing to surface, but it's too impossible to hide the excitement any longer. This has the potential to be the coolest action movie of all-time.

If it's anything like Rambo 4 (nsfw), it will be.