Weezer and Lil Wayne

Weezer is a band people like or don't. I sort of feel like there isn't middle ground on Weezer. Their songs are catchy or annoying. I'm in the middle :) I like some, don't care for others.

Well, Weezer has seen the light now. They have a new song. With Lil Wayne on it. It's a track called "Can't Stop Partying". You can listen to it right here.

At first, you are gonna think you are listening to Kevin Rudolph and Lil Wayne. But you are not. It's Weezer. It's a totally different sound for Weezer. But, like their music or not, they are talented and creative guys. They do it again here.

Enjoy it. It's f*cking catchy.

Reasons Why Craig Ferguson is Cool...

1) Because of this clip and this song

2) Because the power went out during his show and he used flashlights to carry on

3) Because he's Scottish and has an awesome tattoo on his right wrist.

Carry on...

Sunday Night Thoughts

I'm sitting here waiting for the Yankees game to start and it's supremely painful.

Listening to Eric Karros and Mark Grace talk is like making love with a porcupine. Grace is a bum and has a 5 o'clock shadow and looks like he just chain-smoked 14 cigarettes. Karros looks like a retard. He has huge hair and looks like it's being pushed up three feet off his head toward the sky. His tie and shirt are ridiculous and he looks like he weighs 134 lbs. In other words, he looks like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

The Yankees are my remaing hope for a salvageable weekend. The Miami Hurricanes blew their game against Clemson yesterday and the Bears played some of the worst football I've seen in years in a loss to the Bengals. So the Yankees are all I have left.

*Speaking of the Bears, I think it's time the Lovie Smith/Ron Turner experiment ended. Lovie Smith remains an emotionless bastard on the sidelines and continues to look more confused as every game goes on. He's useless as a coach and can never get this team prepared to play important games.

Turner is a special story in his own right. The guy was FIRED as head coach at the University of Illinois. That means you suck. Yet the Bears decided it would be a good idea to have him become their offensive coordinator for the second time in his career. Nothing has changed. He still really blows. He has a quarterback with a howitzer arm. Yet his playbook consists only of fullback screens and three yard ins. It's horrific.

I know firing a coach midway through a season never turns out well but let's just do it. Bring Bill Cowher in for one week, Mike Ditka for another, Mike Shanahan, hell, Joe Gibbs for a week. Just rotate through for the rest of the season. Fuck, let Brian Urlacher coach the team for the rest of the season. We would have just the same, if not better results.

The Chicago sports scene needs a shakeup. This would be a good start.

*The Yankees game has started so now I can be entertained. Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver is like listening to Jesus make love. They are so intelligent.

Have a splendid evening. Depending on how mine goes, you may hear from me again.

Movie Trailer Monday!

Lots of em. Good ones. Bad ones. Unfortunately there isn't a trailer yet for my new documentary where I videotape myself shooting Falcon Henne in his legs and then burn down his family's house while the whole world watches. That'll be a sweet episode for their 'reality show'.

No reason to waste time...

"The Missing Person" starring Michael Shannon (weird KKK guy from BAD BOYS 2!!)

"Dear John" starring Channing Tatum (dudes, mark your calendar, author Nicholas Sparks and Channing Tatum? Date night for you and your lady)

"Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans" starring Nicolas Cage (Werner Herzog is absolutely crazy and talented. Nicolas Cage seems to be actually acting well for the first time in years and NOLA is cool.)

"The Spy Next Door" starring Jackie Chan...(Haha. Jackie Chan.)

"The Edge of Darkness" starring Mel Gibson (and Ray Winstone and Danny Huston who are awesome.)

Expendables Trailer...

The first trailer for "The Expendables", the greatest action movie to ever live, was released online today. When you have a cast that has Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, and more involved, the trailer better be bloodier than every Rambo movie combined.

Myself and millions of others have created a totally false sense of anticipation based upon this cast and thus I was disappointed by the trailer. Whatever. This trailer looks like it was made by a 7-year old and the dialogue in the movie is retarded. Either way, stuff blows up, huge guns are shot, people kick each other in the face. This movie can't be released and not have at least the craziest movie action sequence ever...

...something along the lines of:

Eric Roberts fights Stone Cold. Stone Cold kills Roberts. Terry Crews jumps in, fights Stone Cold, Crews kills Stone Cold. Mickey Rourke jumps in and kills Crews and then has to fight Dolph Lundgren. Bodies are everywhere. Lundgren kills Rourke then has to fight Jason Statham. Lundgren kills Statham as well. Jet Li pops out of nowhere and fights and kills Lundgren and then Stallone shoots Li 12 times in the face and Stallone wins. Bodies and blood everywhere, Stallone still standing. That's GOTTA be what happens.

Ok, whatever, watch the trailer for "The Expendables" here.

These Days

Alient Ant Farm had a resurgence in my office last week. While we were sitting around doing random bits of work, AAF came on the radio and brought back instant memories of awesomeness.

After some searching and youtubing, we stumbled across this Alien Ant Farm gem from them performing at the BET Music Awards a few years back. And by perform we mean crash the red carpet before the BET Awards.

Alien Ant Farm pulled a good old rock and roll stunt by setting up instruments on a nearby building and locking themselves up there. When the red carpet got filled with people like 50 Cent, Nelly, Diddy, Brian McKnight, Bubba Sparrrxxxxx, Busta, and Whitney Houston, AAF played their song, "These Days".

Position some random videocamerapeeps down on the red carpet and boom, music video is made.

After some random wtf's and why are those white dudes on the roof looks, the whole BET Awards red carpet was rocking. Only AAF could crash an award for a bunch of black artists and get them rocking.

Ah the good ole days of Alien Ant Farm. If only you were still making our ears bleed...

SNL Still Sucks

SNL had its 3rd episode of the year this past Saturday and the show still blows huge amounts of awfulness.

I caught none of it because I was doing cool things like watching football, drinking beer, and hanging out with friends. I did happen to look up at a television screen at one point and I saw Drew Barrymore's ugly face on it and realized she was hosting it because of her stupid new movie, "Whip It".

Instead of turning away in disgust, I watched for 3 seconds longer on mute and saw what appeared to be a skit making fun of Guy Fieri from The Food Network. Now, I like "Diners, Dive-Ins, and Drives", Fieri's show. What I can't stand is how douchy Fieri is. He's utterly ridiculous. He's fat, has ridiculous blond highlights, wears armbands, eats like a fat slob, and is loud. I fucking hate him even though he brings me to the occasional awesome food joint.

Now, this SNL skit pretty much blew but it was better than any other skit that night, even though that's not saying much. The fun part of it was how well they made Guy Fieri look like a huge douchebag. SNL realized how easy and fun it is to rip on douches. Good for them...

Enjoy the one highlight of what was an otherwise still totally sucky night of SNL!

Barry Obama Peace Prize

I didn't write about this last week because I was too busy trying to find a shotgun which I could load and then shoot through my face. In case you missed the news because you had 302,109,576 other things better to do than give a shit, President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for...for um. Ummm....for um. Jesus ummm....Being Barack Obama. I guess.

Barry was in office for ELEVEN DAYS when nominations for the award closed and he became nominated. Nine months into his presidency, he won the fucking award. HOLY SHIT. FOR WHAT?!?

Ok, let's do this objectively. Barry is clearly the savior of our earth so there has to be a great reason he won the Nobel Peace Prize right?

Brad Norington, Washington correspondent for "The Australian", will help us examine the clear reasons that led to Barry's justifiable win of the Nobel Peace Prize.

- Teddy Roosevelt won the award in 1906 after the Nobel committee honored him for mediating the peace treaty that ended the war between Russia and Japan. Roosevelt had been president for FIVE years and he refused to personally accept the award until years after he had left office.

Ok, maybe that's not the best option. Let's try this next one...

- Woodrow Wilson won the award in 1919 for creating the League of Nations in the wake of World War 1. Wilson drove the US into the war, which was critical to bringing about its end, and took the leading role afterwards in the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. Wilson had been in office for SEVEN years before he won the award.

Ok, hmmm....not a good example either.

Maybe Alfred Nobel, the award's founder, can shed some light on this bestowment to Obama. Afterall, Nobel decreed that the Nobel Peace Price "was to be bestowed for achievements during the preceding year." Nobel said that the winner "shall have done the most, or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies, and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

Ok, so Obama has called for a new beginning in relations between the United States and the Muslim world. He also pledged that the US would re-engage with the world after the isolation of the previous administration. The neat thing is, he did all of that AFTER he was nominated. WHAT IN THE HELL did he do before that that earned him a nomination?

Alfred Nobel said the award is given for achievements during the preceding year. Barry Obama did jack shit the previous year aside from becoming President of the United States of America.

I'm pretty sure that the wars in Iraq and Afghaninstan are still happening. I'm pretty sure children in America, including Obama's "home" state of Illinois, are dying on their way to and from school.

I'm pretty sure other nominated candidates like Dr. Denis Mukwege will continue to see an average of 10 women a day in his doctor's office waiting room in Bukavu, South Kivu. They are coming because they're violently gang-raped and mutilated in front of their familes, children, friends, and others in the sexual-violence-plagued region of Congo.

I'm pretty sure Zimbabwean Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai will continue to fight for his country's rights against a dictator, President Robert Mugabe, as Tsvangirai attempts to bring the once-prominent south African country out of the violence and poverty that has plagued the country since Mugabe's reign began.

The Nobel Committee gave Obama the Peace Prize for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." Clearly, that effort did a great job in getting America the 2016 Olympics.

All jokes aside, President Obama has done jack shit for America so far. He's been filled with big words and empty promises. This award continues to shift Obama's reputation into celebrity punchline instead of divine savior of America. He's been a celebrity, not the savior everyone predicted he would be. As Michael Steele pointed out, Obama won't be receiving any awards from Americans for job creation, fiscal responsibility, or rhetoric and concrete action anytime soon.

There are many people that deserved this award. Barack Obama is not of them. Gimme a fucking break.

New CREED SINGLE!!!

People hate Creed. Scott Stapp's lyrics are sort of retarded. You can pretty much guess what he's going to say based on him rhyming everything. It's weird.

Anyways, Creed has changed the world. Or they are about to. Their sophomore single from their new album Full Circle, is called "Rain". It's essentially the greatest song ever created.

It's emotionally touching and heart-pounding. It renders emotions useless because the heart and brain cannot tell what to feel. Tears of joy? Pain? Happiness? Laughter? Love? It's everything. This is the single greatest song the world will ever hear. It is perfect.

Scott Stapp created super music like this back in the day. Then he went crazy, made pornos, did drugs and drank too much, and lost everything he ever had. Then he went full circle (HINT HINT THEIR NEW ALBUM TITLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and found himself. After 7 years apart, Creed got back together, gave Scott a chance and he produced the most perfect music the world will hear. God is clearly inside of him during this song.

Sit back, grab tissues, grab a loved one, grab a friend, grab your parents, grab your brothers and sisters, grab smiles, grab laughter, and listen. Your heart will cry joy.

Creed - Rain

(*this is the best quality version I could find aside from iTunes...the video is from The Last Samurai and is full of rain. It is emotional.)

Stuff You Never Noticed As A Child

Watch this video. It's super creepy.

British people are f*cking nuts and their humor is weird. This is probably a complete joke. Or it's totally serious and we are all now officially creeps for having watched it.

Seriously, what the f*ck is this? Sesame Street was weird and creepy sometimes. But it at least seemed semi-educational. I watched it as a child and felt smart. I watch the above video and feel like I need to bath and go to confession.

Hockey

The NHL season started.

When your team plays deep into the playoffs for the first time in ages, the NHL off-season is thankfully quite short.

I missed the below hit in the preseason but the newly discovered www.thetwolinepass.com didn't. If you're a hockey fan I suggest checking the site out. It's quite excellent. A nice addition to my bookmark toolbar.

Dion Phaneuf hits Kyle Okposo

Hockey is pretty much the coolest sport on earth, aside from football. And rugby. Ron Artest even goes to hockey games. That's how cool it is.

Also, I posted a Milan Lucic fight from the other day...here's another one. This time he beat the living shit out of Jay Harrison. At this rate, Lucic is going to bloody someone up every 3 days. It's going to be an awesome hockey season.

Happy Monday.

Humpage!

Friday's are awesome. This Friday is super special.

First, you lose the Olympics. That's a perfect start. Chicago didn't even make it out of the first round. That's ripe.

(I didn't want the Olympics. If I feel like it and have time, I'll dive into why I didn't want the Olympics sometime soon. If not, who gives a sh*t. The city of Chicago has enough issues already that the Olympics would have made it 10 times worse. Mayor Daley can't even run an honest city that functions, much less one preparing for the Olympics)

Second, the Blackhawks lose. To the Florida Panthers. The Florida Panthers on some nights can't beat a mentally challenged team of 7-year old children at hockey. But they beat the Hawks today to open the BHawks season. I'm gonna blame it on Helsinki. That's a place in Finland. Does anyone care? That's what I thought.

Thirdly, sweet videos come my way. I posted the video with the kid who takes his shirt off and slaps his classmate earlier. That was classic. This next video is superb as well. It's a little older so you might have seen it. Either way, it's still endlessly funny. The dog has perfect form. Cute little puppy.

Happy Friday...enjoy!!

David Letterman Bombshell

In case you missed Letterman last night because you were too busy killing small cats and eating tuna, here's what happened:

- Letterman admitted he has had sex with numerous staffers from his show over the course of many years

- Letterman admitted that one of the people who worked at CBS knew of these sexual encounters and wanted to extort Letterman for $2 million

WATCH HIM ADMIT IT LIVE HERE

Yes, David Letterman has had sex. He's the first person to poke fun at himself for it. Yes, David Letterman is/was being blackmailed by an employer of CBS' who has also probably had sex with one of the girl's that Dave did. Yes, the blackmailer did get arrested because he was retarded.

The crazy thing about what Dave did is that it probably was the best thing he could have done. He came out, admitted what he'd done, and got to the point. He flipped a bitch on the blackmailer. As Dave explains, they set the blackmailer up and the blackmailer got caught and arrested.

Now, basically it leaves Dave to have to deal with the embarrassment this announcement has caused him and his family, including the woman he's dated since 1986 and recently married. That will be tough enough. Now at least he doesn't have to worry about hiding it and covering up the self-described "creepy things he's done."

I like Dave, I don't like Dave. I disagree with his politics but I think he's a talented guy. What strikes me in this whole thing are the retards in his audience that have no idea what they are laughing at. Dave, with all his courage, decided to admit on national TV that he's had numerous affairs with staffers and that someone tried to blackmail him for it.

Dave starts slow and makes numerous jokes about himself and as he begins to dive deeper, the audience slowly realizes Dave actually is really emotional about this. Until Dave openly admits that he has had numerous sexual relationships with some female staff members, does the audience realize, "HOLY SHIT...THIS IS A TOTALLY SERIOUS MOMENT."

I applaud Dave for only once saying, "Now why are you laughing" to his audience. Granted they thought they were in for a late night funny show, but they got so much more. It's unfortunate it took them and their retarded pals so long to realize what Dave was doing.

Also, lastly...this shit happens ALL OVER the place. People sleep with their boss, their co-workers, everyone. Some are in relationships, some are whores, some are just experimenting. Dave happens to host a national television show and admitted it on national television. He's not the President, he's not the pope, he's Dave Letterman. He has explaining to do at home now...nowhere else. He knows what he did was wrong.

Dave can try to move on while the moron who worked at CBS who did this can sit in jail because he had a horrible plan that didn't work.

Well done Dave. Well done.

Bitch-Slap

I just got sent a video by a few buddies and it's ridiculous. As in awesome.

Watch the kid sitting next to the kid in the white t-shirt. If you notice, he is slapping his buddy on the head behind his own head and blaming it on the kid behind them...

The Wrong Guy Gets the Blame

1) What language are they speaking
2) Why is the teacher(?) sitting with his desk touching the students' desks?
3) Why does that monsterous human being take his shirt off to slap another kid?

Lol, I watched this video 15 times and it gets funnier each view. Enjoy it.

Xbox Project Natal Destruction

I was going to classify this in the movie trailer section but it deserves its own post...

The only reason I thought about including it in movies is because Steven Spielberg is behind it. What is it? It's Xbox's Project Natal development. Basically it's a super-advanced Wii. No controllers, no cords, just you. Your body controls all aspects of the TV, the video game, everything. It's like your in I, Robot. Without the appetite to destroy Will Smith.

The trailer/announcement videos for this project are all over the internet. Here's my favorite gem:

E3 2009: Project Natal Xbox Annoucement

I'm creeped out by this thing. I love Xbox360 but I don't know about my reactions here. I feel liek this is the beginning of the end of the world. On top of that, this video is retarded. Here's why:

1) The little boy should be going to a real dojo to learn karate. He's gonna get his ass kicked in the real world if he thnks beating up a video game sensai works. Just because you knocked out Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punchout doesn't mean he wouldn't put his fist through your head in the real world. Dork.

2) That girl shouldn't be driving. She's way too young and girls tend to be terrible drivers anyway. She's gonna kill herself and the fans at the race track. Look at Danica Patrick. She sucks.

3) Speaking of sucking, dad really blows at pit stops. He's way too into it and looks like a f*cking dork doing it. His daughter, with her bad driving, is gonna be in last place by the time dad gets her out of the pits. Take it easy, DAD.

4) Why are they re-creating Godzilla destroying a city? That looks like a stupid, boring game. And that little kid is stomping around like a down syndrome monster. Why is he scaring the living hell out of innocent Japanese citizens. He's racist.

5) The mom and her daughter look very stupid playing soccer. The daughter almost super-kicks her foot through the TV and destroys all the fun and the mom gives a half-ass effort to block her kick. There's a couch next to you...f*cking dive all out to stop that sh*t. The game probably ended in a tie anyways.

6) I hate kids that skateboard. I hate that kid.

7) Sarah is a bad friend. For some reason, that daughter is Sarah's friend and it's clearly holding her back. Someone is gonna have to bite the bullet and get with Sarah if anyone wants to have a chance of getting with the daughter. Plus, that dress Sarah selected for the daughter looks stupid. You need a new friend.

8) Millard Fillmore! What a retarded answer to use in a demonstration. Plus the dad is looking at his son like he's a retard.

**Also, apparently the white family is playing against the black family who is on the other side of the wall from them. The white family is winning 600-100. Um, racist a little Xbox?

**Also, that wall means Sarah is on the other side of the wall. Why didn't the daughter walk over there and TALK about their dresses for the party? This is why people can't communicate nowadays and talk like retarded cows in public.

9) You don't have to act out the movie on the screen? You can put in a DVD and it plays it for you? You don't get to sit in a straddling position around Demi Moore and play in clay during "Ghost"? Wtf?

10) Lastly, no family is ever as happy as this family is. They play way too many video games, dad is an idiot, and the daughter is clearly getting around the block. If they spent this much time together, they would all be trying to kill each other. This game system cannot make anyone that happy.

Xbox is attempting to destroy the world with this creation. Steven Spielberg is apparently going to make a real-life movie that is going to destroy us all. Thanks Project Natal. Sounds awesome.

Movie Trailer...THURSDAY!!!

"The Book of Eli" starring Denzel Washington

Denzel Washington is awesome. He's always been an incredible actor and he's a good dude. His role in 'Man On Fire' is one of my favorite movie roles of all-time. Simply take a great actor, make him a bad-ass killer, take the one thing in his life that he cares about, have him hunt down the bad people that did it. I liked the movie. It's pure entertainment.

"The Book of Eli" holds similar expectations for me. I want to be entertained. Denzel plays a survivor after a world-devastating war that has desolated earth. His job is to protect, big surprise, "The Book of Eli", which holds keys to restarting civilization. Gary Oldman, the SUPERB, Gary Oldman, plays a villain, hell-bent on destroying the book and killing Washington. This is a perfect match. Denzel as a good guy, Oldman as a bad guy. I mean, Gary Oldman is like, the most super bad-guy actor on earth. "Air Force One" anyone!??!

The movie also stars the super sexy Mila Kunis and is directed by the Hughes Brothers. The Coen's they are not but they did direct Menace II Society, Dead Presidents, and From Hell. This movie is a bit of a new direction for them and the cinematography looks pretty damn good. Denzel looks like a bad-ass again and that at the very least should be entertaining.

People will argue that the film "The Road", starring Viggo Mortensen, is the exact same thing. It's coming out in late November and is based off Cormac McCarthy's Pulitzer Prize Winning book about a post-apocalyptic world.

Whatever, I don't care. Both movies will be good. Denzel's in the top 2 of my list of good movies to see if person X is in them and I'm looking forward to a little God-motivated, apocalyptic, asshole kicking.

"Nightmare on Elm Street" remake

Before you dismiss ANOTHER horror movie remake, check this one out. Starring Jackie Earle Haley (mind you an Academy Award nominated actor), this remake is Michael Bay's continued attempt to take over the world. I love Michael Bay. "Bad Boys" and "Bad Boys 2" are the f*cking best movies ever. I barely can sleep at night in anticipation of the news that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence have signed on for BB3. That said, Michael Bay scary movies are always interesting. You're never quite sure what you are going to get.

"Nightmare on Elm Street" already is higher up on the list of horror remakes simply because of Jackie Earle Haley. The dude can act. Plus he is creepy. Add all the weird creepiness that will come with playing Freddy Krueger and he'll be good to go. You might just have a decent horror movie. Nevermind how someone who gets killed in a dream can get killed in real life. Understanding plots like this one aren't the point. Being entertained is. That's what movies are for, right?

"From Paris With Love"

No, not a new Bond movie. This is John Travolta and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Myers is a low-ranking intelligence agent and Travolta is a super-nutso, super-agent who kills a ton of people. This movie looks weird, Travolta looks weird, and Meyers really makes me not give a crap one way or another. Watch the trailer, you decide for yourself.

"This Is It" - Michael Jackson

Love him or hate him, this looks good. Michael Jackson had talent and made some kick ass music. When I saw this, I was sort of disappointed he wasn't going to get one more run of mega-shows to perform in front of the world. Ignore the "too soon" cries and the probability this was released to make bank and give it a shot. It's only in theatre's for 2 weeks and I know I won't want to sit in the movie theatre with the weirdo's that will also be there to watch it. Hopefully it'll appear down the line on a DVD.

"Zombieland"

Seen the ads yet? Seen the trailer? No real explanations needed. Most of the time I love Woody Harrelson. Sometimes I don't. This time, all love. I want to see this movie this weekend. It'll be entertaining. Zombie comedy with lots of potential.