Sunday Night Thoughts

I'm sitting here waiting for the Yankees game to start and it's supremely painful.

Listening to Eric Karros and Mark Grace talk is like making love with a porcupine. Grace is a bum and has a 5 o'clock shadow and looks like he just chain-smoked 14 cigarettes. Karros looks like a retard. He has huge hair and looks like it's being pushed up three feet off his head toward the sky. His tie and shirt are ridiculous and he looks like he weighs 134 lbs. In other words, he looks like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

The Yankees are my remaing hope for a salvageable weekend. The Miami Hurricanes blew their game against Clemson yesterday and the Bears played some of the worst football I've seen in years in a loss to the Bengals. So the Yankees are all I have left.

*Speaking of the Bears, I think it's time the Lovie Smith/Ron Turner experiment ended. Lovie Smith remains an emotionless bastard on the sidelines and continues to look more confused as every game goes on. He's useless as a coach and can never get this team prepared to play important games.

Turner is a special story in his own right. The guy was FIRED as head coach at the University of Illinois. That means you suck. Yet the Bears decided it would be a good idea to have him become their offensive coordinator for the second time in his career. Nothing has changed. He still really blows. He has a quarterback with a howitzer arm. Yet his playbook consists only of fullback screens and three yard ins. It's horrific.

I know firing a coach midway through a season never turns out well but let's just do it. Bring Bill Cowher in for one week, Mike Ditka for another, Mike Shanahan, hell, Joe Gibbs for a week. Just rotate through for the rest of the season. Fuck, let Brian Urlacher coach the team for the rest of the season. We would have just the same, if not better results.

The Chicago sports scene needs a shakeup. This would be a good start.

*The Yankees game has started so now I can be entertained. Listening to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver is like listening to Jesus make love. They are so intelligent.

Have a splendid evening. Depending on how mine goes, you may hear from me again.