Woah. Hockey Fights Are Back. And Ties Are Stupid...

Hockey. It's coming back...soon. Like Thursday I think.

I know the Chicago Blackhawks start the season in Finland or Korea or Iran or some really stupid place on earth so I'm not overly positive on when the NHL kicks off their ice charades. It's soon.

Part of the reason I do enjoy hockey is because you can fight during the contest. Make a big hit on the other team's star player? Star player's goon teammate is going to find you and try and slit your throat with his skate.

Marc Savard, one of Boston's superbly talented players got raped earlier in the game by ginger-boy Chris Neil of the Ottawa Senators. Milan Lucic, as noted by his Serbian name of destruction, doesn't like when that happens.

He tries to shove the smaller Neil around and make him mad. Neil responds by shoving back. Lucic, like any good Serb, decides when the puck drops, just to hit Neil in the nuts with his stick.

Neil, like any good ginger, quickly responds because he has no genitalia and begins to fight Lucic.

Lucic gets some good shots in and Neil actually hangs tight in the fight before it ends with Neil's face looking a lot worse than Lucic's.

Either way, it's professional athlete's, who could kill you and me, fighting in the middle of a pre-season game and the refs allowing it. That's why hockey is great. It's a sport full of talent and skill and huge hits and fights. Plus, some teams have hot ice girl cheerleaders too.

** On a side note...the NHL used to have ties. Teams would play 60-minutes of hard fought hockey and then go to overtime. If the teams tied at the end of overtime, the game ended in a tie. That's retarded, I know. Thankfully, nowadays, the NHL forces a short OT, then goes to a shootout to decide the winner. OT is neat. Shootouts are awesome. Ties are for losers.

The NFL, thankfully filled with non-losers, rarely has an OT game end in a tie because the teams are so exhausted from brutally destroying each other that one team usually screws up and allows a TD or field goal or safety and ends the game before OT can end with no scoring.

That leads me to last night's softball game that my co-workers and I played in...

We played our second game of the season, in typical Chicago fall fashion - a little warm weather, diagonal rain, wind, darkness, coldness and dust. We played a good team that got out to a big lead and we came back to tie it up, take the lead, and go back and forth with this team for 6 strong innings.

When the 6th inning ended, tied 14-14, the ump looked at his watch, and yelled, "TIME!! The next game has to start now! Game ends in a tie!"

...what?!?...a tie??? Are you f*cking serious?

We were pissed. Both teams agreed that this sucked. The game before ours went long and we started late. Now we had to end on time so the two teams behind us could play? It's not like it was 0-0 either. Both teams played well and still had another inning or two in them before we had to hit the bar...but nope. Game ended in a tie.

I couldn't imagine being a professional sports player and having to end the game in a tie. NFL football ending in a tie? Rarely ever happens. NHL? Nope, not anymore. Baseball? Aside from the All-Star debacle a few years back, no more ties. NBA? They'll play till 1,000 points are put up or Vernon Maxwell snaps and kills both teams. For Christ's sake I've seen a 3-day Cricket match take place in London so a tie wouldn't happen. And those f*ckers stopped to drink tea in the middle of the match!!

...which leads me to two final points...

1) Ties are f*cking retarded. Two teams go to battle and one comes away a winner. Wars don't end in ties. Sports shouldn't either.

2) Soccer is for weirdos. Soccer games end in ties. They flop all over the field for 90 minutes, scratch and scream at each other, and kick a ball. Soccer games end in ties. Soccer sucks.

That's all.

More Spooning With A Stranger coming soon. I enjoy writing too much to take prolonged breaks for actual real-world work. My plan for fall is to grow a beard, wear flannels, drink hot-alcoholic cider, and write. Hope it works out.

Counter-Punch

One more...it counters the Will Ferrell video from the previous post.

Toby Keith, love him or hate him, is smart.

America is a mess, the world is retarded, and people suck lots of ass. Toby expresses our feelings.

Left or right, Toby has a little message for both. You might hate country music and hate weird puppet videos but I like this bit. I'll be the first person over to Toby Keith's house when Mahmoud Achmadinejad-Fuku-Jihad nukes the world. Toby will have guns.

PSA Speaking Out Against Insurance Companies

Sometimes a cause so important comes along that even the funniest of funny (Will Ferrell - most times) and coolest of coolest (Jon Hamm) speak out to make sure people get the facts.

Below is an important ad Ferrell and Hamm put together to speak out against the Insurance crap that is taking place in this country.

1) Here's the video via Huffington Post's website

* Let it be noted that I can't believe I'm linking to HP's website. Huffington Post is a hellish website that poisons the minds of individuals all over this country. I merely linked to the video on this website so you could understand the seriousness of Ferrell and Hamm's ad.

For those that refuse to click on the bullsh*tty website above, go below for number two.

2) Funny or Die coverage of the Will Ferrell ad

* I don't like linking to the same website over and over, no matter how awesome it is because I don't want it to like like I'm simply stealing all their material. I'm merely condensing all the ridiculous shit that gets posted to the interweb everyday and putting it in a convenient spot on Spooning With A Stranger.

There's a lot your mind has to handle on a day-to-day basis.

If you spooned with a stranger the night before, you have to worry about:

1) Is she pregnant?
2) Um, that was a dude...
3) Do I call again?
4) What was I thinking?
5) Why did I mix Nickelback and drinking?

My job is to consolidate the semi-good stuff and put it in one place so you can easily access it. You have enough to worry about. Life's a fun journey of ups, downs, and moments you'll never forget. There's also moments you want to forget. Fortunately, while you are trying to forget the terrible decisions you made last night or two months ago, Spooning With A Stranger gives you just a little bit content to help you black out for a few minutes.

Anyways, I hope the serious ad above got your attention. Funny or die only does funny and they took exception this one time and did serious. That's how important it was.

Think about it.

** Aside from the fact I stand on the right side of this debate and actually didn't laugh at the above video, I hope you did.

- I think if you fall off your bike, you are mentally stupid and should pay for your surgery.
- If you mispell a word and can't get surgery, clearly you were pathetic at spelling when you were growing up. People who can't spell are stupid.
- We're all screwed anyways. Obama is sinking day by day and Iran is going to nuke the world.

Stallworth/Burress

Spooning with a Stranger is coming back. Work is still busy but the world is making me fed up. I'm not gonna sit around and not get pissed about the fucking jail sentences that Plaxico Burress and Donte Stallworth have gotten for their respective retarded episodes...

A) Stallworth parties in Miami at a night club. He then goes driving with a .126 blood alcohol level...holy shit. Florida's legal limit is .08. Stallworth is fucking wasted.

Stallworth drives into a man who is walking across a highway or something and he kills the guy. The guy splatters all over the place and Stallworth shits his pants and says oh my God I just re-created a Pearl Jam Song. Mind you Stallworth "flashed his headlights and honked his horn to warn Reyes". As Stallworth then described it, "We collided."

People collide with walls and other humans. When you walk down the hallway and bump into John from accounting, you COLLIDED. When a car runs over a human being there isn't a collision. It's annihilation.

Stallworth was suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after the crash. He received a...30-DAY JAIL SENTENCE AND REACHED AN UNDISCLOSED FINANCIAL SETTLEMENT WITH REYES' FAMILY. Stallworth gets 2 years of house arrest, eight years of probation and other restrictions.

Under a recent judge ruling, Stallworth now gets to leave his house to work out with a trainer. His house arrest didn't include the fact he gets to leave for community service, charity events, and work (WHICH IS PLAYING FOOTBALL).

Stallworth signed a seven-year, $35 million contract in 2008 with the Cleveland Browns and for now remains on their roster.

B) Plaxico Burress parties in Manhattan. He gets a bit drunk and accidentally shoots himself while he's in the club. Holy shit. He's fucking retarded.

The gun slipped down Burress' trousers and fired, shooting him in the thight and then narrowly missed a security guard standing nearby. The bullet lodged in the floor and was recovered by a bartender.

The gun was not licensed in NY or NJ, where Burress lived and his license to carry a concealed weapon had expired in May 2008.

Burress was with a teammate, Antonio Pierce, who drove him to a hospital, took the gun home then later returned it to Burress.

Apparently the nightclub and the hospital never notified police that Burress had been shot.

The Giants released Burress in April and Burress pleaded guilty to a weapons charge this morning. Burress received a TWO-YEAR PRISON TERM.

HOLY SHIT?!?! TWO YEARS!? For shooting yourself in the leg? Stallworth can get fucking hammered drunk, drive a car, and splatter a human beings organs all over a highway road and get 30 days in jail and Burress gets 2 years?!?

I hate both of these idiots. Stallworth is a typical athlete idiot and Burress is just a fucking retard. Come on though! Burress embarrassed himself enough when he shot himself in the leg in a nightclub. Two years is a ridiculous sentence! Stallworth got his sentence reduced to 30 days and has had all kinds of concessions made. Burress, on good behavior, could get his sentence reduced to 20 months.

I hate to say it but Burress' attorney, Benhamin Brafman, was right when he said, "This was not an intentional criminal act. In my judgment, a two-year prison sentence is a very severe punishment."

Look, our world is fucked up enough. These two morons are examples of stupid people who do stupid shit and ruin great things that they have going for them. It's unfortunate. People do the exact same things that Stallworth and Burress do all the time. I guarantee you that somewhere in our world today, someone will illegally carry a gun and shoot themselves or something. Someone will drive drunk and injure or kill someone besides themselves. It sucks.

That said, in our world of disappearing common sense, the above doesn't make too much sense to me. A guy kills someone with his car and gets 30 days in jail. A guy shoots himself in the leg and gets 2 years. Seems weird huh?

Here's a recap:

- Fight/Kill Dogs in this country = 2 years in prison
- Shoot yourself in the leg = 2 years in prison
- Drive drunk & kill someone with your car = 30 days in prison
- Get an abortion/kill unborn children = monetary fee


I don't agree with any of it. I love dogs and could never ever ever do what Michael Vick did. I don't own a gun yet but I will and I plan on being a responsible gun owner. I wouldn't bring it to a club. I dont drink and drive anymore. Even two beers impairs your judgement. Public transportation and cabs are the way to go. Plaxico Burress and Donte Stallworth are idiots. They both deserve punishment. They got it and it's SOLELY their faults.

Still doesn't mean our justice system isn't a total fucking sloppy mess.

HOLY SHIT

Hi.

It's been a long time. I suppose a lot of apologies are necessary. I can't really explain where I've been. Work is really busy. People keep losing their jobs and then more people do the tasks that were once designed for whole offices. Summer tends to be the busiest time of the year at work too. Soooo....I get delayed.

Since my last post...

- Michael Jackson stopped molesting kids
- Billy Mays stopped being awesome
- Erin Andrews got spied on by a creepster (thank you creepster)
- I lost a wedding band 3 hours before the wedding
- President Obama (sorta) buzzed NYC
- I was in a room when we called someone at work and gave them $10,000
- Megan Fox got hotter
- Many other people got grosser

In the meantime, that doesn't matter...what matters is that Spooning has returned...albeit sort of. As the ridiculously fast summer progresses towards fall, more strange spooning experiences will be posted. I won't promise anything but hopefully it won't be zilch.

For today, a beautiful Friday, I offer these two videos of my favorite new band, "Airbourne".

They released their first CD in 2007 and have another one coming this year. They are from Australia and consider AC/DC a major influence. They fucking rock. They are going to save this world from hell and save Rock 'N' Roll as we know it.

When you look at the review of their album on iTunes, they mention that Airbourne sounds like AC/DC and like Rock 'N' Roll...but Airbourne reminds people that anyone that doesn't get giddy and crazy to the sound of good ole' Rock 'N' Roll is just plain stupid.

Airbourne is fucking fantastic. There's not a dull moment allowed. Watch their videos, tell your friends, show your parents. You will have fun. You will rock. Airbourne will save us all.

Enjoy.

Airbourne - "Running Wild" Live Wacken Festival 2008

Airbourne - "Blackjack" Live Wacken Festival 2008

Some audio

Airbourne - "Stand and Deliver"

Megan Fox Mondays!!

Yikes. What a weekend. Yesterday was a long, fun day. I'll explain it later.

More importantly, some random new stuff today. Not a lot, but at least its stuff. And I think it's cool. Which means you should too.


- "The Dark Knight" premieres on HBO this Saturday night, June 13th. HBO made two pretty cool TV spots for the premiere and you can see them HERE and HERE. The song featured is The Pixies "Where Is My Mind". It's a shame to see these ads and think that Heath Ledger is dead. His legend as The Joker is continually growing in time. It truly was an amazing role.

- I link to this video at "With Leather" because what is said over there under the clip is a true statement. People like this are in our government, helping to run a country and helping us decide to buy and bailout corporations like GM. I'm not gonna sugar-coat it. This country is F*CKED with the people we have running it now.

Sorry. The above clip is internet sensation/semi-retard Corrine Brown (D-FL) making an asshole of herself again with fellow U.S. Representative Maxine Waters (D-CA). They are arguing/speaking retard about the Lakers/Magic NBA Finals series which is already a joke at 2-0 Lakers. Waters at least can form an argument and seems to understand something about the NBA and the Lakers. The fact she refused to shake Brown's hand is also awesome. Even she understands how dumb Brown is. The fact Brown got into office based off of the above video and this INSTANT CLASSIC VIDEO makes me positive that every person that voted for her was deaf, blind, and severly handicapped. Brown graduated from Florida and apparently received a degree in public speaking and mental retardedness. Yes. This country is f*cked.

- Here's a breakdown of some things that are happening right now with our government and spending...

Bush deficits in his 8-years:

$158B in 2002, $378B in 2003, $413B in 2004, $318B in 2005, $248B in 2006, $162B in 2007, $410B in 2008.

That's $2,087,000,000,000 in deficit over Bush's 8 years. For those curious, the deficit is calculated when you take out the country's expenses from the country's income. That's the deficit. It's different from the national debt.

Bush had been cutting the deficit for a few years but financial bailouts, a weakening economy, and continued wars pushed the deficit back up in his final year of office.

Now, for Obama...
Obama's deficits in 150 days:

$787B "Stimulus" plan, $275B proposed housing plan, $400B for Congress' remaining appropriations bills, $2T proposed financial-stabilization plan and $50B-plus bailout for GM.

The White House is projecting a $1.75T deficit for 2010, while the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has projected it to be $1.85T. That is over TRIPLE the amount that Bush had in his final year of office.

Over the next 8 years, Obama's projected deficits look like this:

$1.85T in 2009, $1.35 T in 2010, $900B in 2011, $650B in 2012, $675B in 2013, $750B in 2014, $790B in 2015, $850T in 2016. By 2019, the CBO projects the deficit to be at $1.18T for that year based on Obama's presidency.

Calculating a frightening 8 years in office for Obama you get $7,815,000,000,000 in deficit. And that's without the proposed $2T financial stabilization plan in the projections.

Yes, Bush spent money. A LOT. But Obama is spending right now like Bush on steroids. He's doing exactly what he promised NOT to do.

* Bush expanded the federal budget by a historic $700B through 2008. Obama's propositions would expand it by another $1T.
* Bush created a Medicare bill that will cost an estimated $800B in its first decade. Obama has proposed a $634B down payment on a new health care fund.
* Bush increased federal education spending 58% faster than inflation. Obama's increase would be a 116% increase.
* Bush became the first President to spend 3% of the GDP on Federal Antipoverty Programs. Obama has increased this spending by 20%.
* Bush tilted the income tax burden toward more upper-income taxpayers. Obama is continuing that trend (partly why upper-income ppl hate Obama and partly bc lower-income ppl couldn't afford taxes based on these projections).

It's scary where we are heading. Obama's approval ratings are dipping but remain relatively high considering our country is made up of a majority of super retarded idiots. Also, since we now own GM, where the hell is my car? I want one, we own it, gimme a damn car.


- Possibly, the gayest commercial on TV. I like Tiger, like Jeter, like Federer (bc I hate Nadal so much). Unfortunately, this commercial is terrible. Only NIKE could have made this semi-cool.

- Remi Gaillard, French Footballer, does his best Tiger golf ball bounce impression...and I must say...this might be cooler.

(head over to With Leather to read about the Cardinals/Pirates dream and also watch the video. it's slightly smaller video over there but the dream is hilarious)

- "The Hangover" finished a very close 2nd (and might be first after actual numbers are released) to "Up" at the box office this weekend. "Up" garnered $44.2 M while "Hangover" was at $43.3 M. Both movies are on my list of must-sees.

- Weird interview with Zach Galifiankis from Videogum. Weird but still funny. The man is impeccably funny.

- Bret Michaels almost got killed/beheaded/smashed last night at The Tony Awards. Performing on-stage with the "Rock of Ages" (?) cast, Michaels supposedly 'missed his mark'. This whole thing is wrong so I'm not going to research what the actual name of the cast is that Michaels performed with, I'm not going to see how many Tony Award shows there have been, I'm not going to find out why the F Bret Michaels was there at all. He almost got his head cut off. That's hilarious.

- Courtesy of FADER and Hot97, Jay-Z's new single from the forthcoming "Bluprint 3" has hit the internet. As Jay-Z says, he is the Frank Sinatra of hip-hop. The beat is awesome and it evokes "American Gangster"-like emotions for me. Count me in as one of the millions awaiting the sick beats on the new album.

- Phoenix is so damn awesome. Here's another version of "1901"...this time an incredible acoustic version for some French TV bs.

- Lastly, more of the above Megan Fox photos. Love.

Red-Band "The Hangover" Trailer

The Hangover comes out this weekend and its going to be f*cking awesome.

I'm making plans to go see it next weekend after I get fitted for a tuxedo for...oh, surprise, A WEDDING!

Zach Galifanakis is all you need in anything to be funny.

Here is the redband trailer for "The Hangover".

Leroy Smith's Get Your Basketball Infomercial

Charlie Murphy is awesome.

As the sports season slowly transitions from awesome, non-stop action hockey, to boring-as-hell, drawn out NBA Finals action, to really drawn-out baseball action, here comes Leroy Smith.

His basketball tutorial is an endless array of enrichment and glory. Who knows when this was made. It's hard to think that it's NOT a Dave Chapelle Show clip (even though the production of it is awesome). Either way, best clip in a while.

Enjoy and do pass on.

Charles Barkley. Again. Awesome.

Here's video of Charles Barkley calling his "Inside The NBA" producer a p*ssy live on TV.

I've always said "Inside The NBA" is one of my favorite TV shows because the crew is absolutely hilarious when they interact together. Charles, never one to mince his words, decided to go over the top on this one.

The best part about the whole video I think is Reggie Miller's reaction. I always HATED Reggie Miller for being sort of white/black and having such a gorgeous wife. He also played for the Pacers and I was a Bulls fan. Nonetheless, Miller's reaction to Barkley's comment is an instant classic.

I'd watch this show 24/7 if they had something to talk about all the time.

Paper Towels

This is the dumbest f*cking video. But it's funny. No point to it at all. But you will laugh at least 3 times during this video. And to me, that's worth it.

Funny or Die - "Paper Towels"

Between Two Ferns (5 of 5)

If only Zach Galifianakis hosted things like the MTV Movie Awards...it might actually be funny.

Instead of wasting his time on dumb shows like that though, Zach spends his time on his talk show, "Between Two Ferns". It is always entertaining and ridiculous. His most recent episode features none other than Bradley Cooper. Check it out at Funny or Die here.

"The Hangover" cannot come soon enough. That movie better be damn funny.

Eminem 9 Bruno 6

You can find this video everywhere online today. So you'll probably see it all over the place and by the time you get here you'll be really f'ing annoyed at seeing it.

Nonetheless, Bruno 69ing Eminem is funny. No one seems to know if it was staged or real. If it was staged Eminem is a great actor. If it was wasn't fake, Eminem is going to get MTV a nice big FCC fine for his swearing.