Oscars Recap

The 81st Annual Academy Awards took place last night and here are some of the highlights:

Best Foreign Language Film - Who gives a sh*t

Best Documentary - No one cares

Best Short Film, Live Action - I hate this


Sure, maybe I would have cared had Sean Penn not won the Best Actor award for his portrayal of a homosexual mayor. Mickey Rourke should have won, plain and simple.

Even Penn knew it when he said of the Academy, "You Communist, homo-loving son-of-a-guns."

Sean Penn has never been right in his life, but he got it right that time. Too bad Mickey Rourke didn't drop a flying elbow through Penn's face while he accepting the award. Oh, well.

The above disappointment aside, there are a few things about the Oscars that actually matter. Two things to be exact. They may have not crossed your mind at the time, but they will when you see previews for future movies that these guys either star in or direct. And it'll blow your mind when you comprehend them.

1.) Michael Shannon

- Michael Shannon was nominated for the Best Supporting Actor. Obviously, no one was going to beat Heath Ledger. Ledger deserved, possibly, a Best Actor award. Ledger was that incredible in 'The Dark Knight'. So no one really paid attention to Michael Shannon. But you remember him.

You remember him from his phenomenal role in 'Bad Boys 2' starring Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. REMEMBER?!?

Does the name, Floyd Poteet ring a bell? Floyd Poteet was a member of an ecstasy-smuggling KKK faction, who gets busted, and eventually ends up riding around in the back of a car trunk while Smith & Lawrence shoot up Miami. Here's a memorable exchange from the movie:

Poteet: "I've got my rights."
Lawrence: "Why don't you exercise your right to shut the f*ck up."

Who in their right mind thought, 6 years from now, Michael Shannon/Floyd Poteet is going to be nominated for an Oscar. Can you believe it? We can now re-watch Bad Boys II and the credits flash, starring "Academy Award Nominee Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Joe Pantoliano, Peter Stormare, and Academy Award Nominee Michael Shannon as Floyd Poteet!"

I bet you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

2.) Danny Boyle

Danny Boyle won the Best Director award. He joins the endless list of great directors to have won the award and he deserves it. He makes great movies. He also made '28 Days Later'. It's a great movie, but it will scare the living hell out of you. It's about infected humans who turn into flesh eating monsters.

Supposedly, they're trying to get him to direct the third installment of the series, "28 Months Later". The second installment was OK, but it wasn't nearly as good as Boyle's original. I'm sure the price on Boyle just went up a slight tick but who cares!

The tag, " '28 Months Later', directed by Academy Award Winner Danny Boyle" is worth the price alone!

Get Michael Shannon & Mickey Rourke to star in it and we've got potentially the greatest movie ever made on our hands.

Gotta go, a 'Rolling Stone' with Sean Penn on the cover just arrived at my desk. I hate the Oscars and you should too.

Mickey Rourke Would Hump A Gorilla Before Courtney Love

There are rumors floating around that Mickey Rourke is dating Courtney Love. Courtney Love is the epitome of disgusting. I never want my life to get to the point that someone says I may be dating Courtney Love. If it did, I'd probably take a cross-country Amtrak train hostage and reenact Under Siege 2. 

So how dare someone says it about Mickey Rourke. 

Rourke, who better win the Oscar for Best Actor, recently addressed these rumors with TMZ by saying, "He'd rather hump a gorilla than Courtney Love." Do you know how awesome that is? Here's a guy, vying for an Oscar, telling people he'd rather hump a massive gorilla than another human being of the opposite sex.

The people that choose Oscars are old people. Old people who are dying, old people who like the movie Citizen Kane, old people who love Sean Penn for being a completely vile American scumball. These old people get really offended when someone says something like what Mickey Rourke said.

The thing is, he doesn't care. He could care less whether or not he wins the biggest acting award there is. All he cares about is doing what he wants to do. If Rourke wants to wrestle Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania 25, he's gonna do it. In a time of A-Rod bowing to the pressure of superstardom, here's a guy who's comeback has made everyone take notice and he could still give a rats ass. 

It's refreshing. It's awesome. For his sake, I hope the guys wins the award for Best Actor. And then I hope he grinds on someone and does this.